my destiny

to burnout

to give up

you know... like the cool kids

it seems the trend at least, everyone loves being the "burnout gifted kid" or maybe they just love having a name... being part of a group... knowing they're not alone in their failure. it's not just being a burnout either, people love being depressed, anxious, being part of some small group that will validate their shortcomings

(of course i'm not talking about people with actual mental health struggles  but we all know its been romanticized)

personally, i'm terrified of that inevitable distant future. i've seen it too many times before. i have three siblings. each their own kind of disappointment to my parents. i listen to the endless complaints about the eldest two every night. it makes me feel like i'm slipping. even as i try to cling on to my grades, sports, friends, i feel it all slipping.

what will be the turning point?

what will be the day when my parents talk about me behind my back after i leave the dinner table.

with age comes everything my dad never wanted for me. meeting boys, buying clothes, learning about politics

which one will be too much?

which one will label me another failure?

i don't know, but what  i do know;

it  is  my  destiny

to fail