my issues

right know I´m in bed and I´m just sad as usual. a lot of times when that's the case I´m thinking about my old best friend bc our friendship had ended about six months ago so not too much time has passed. Our friendship had ended bc she basically did not put any effort in it so I told her that I wanted her to text first and call me sometimes but apparently that was too much to ask so we just stoped talking.

and for the past few months I was already sad about this but now it actually hit me that I don't have anyone that I can actually talk to and trust. so I just miss her I really miss her bc we used to be soo good and I´d just like to have that friendship back but it's gone. sometimes I feel like I should text her but I know that that's not a good idea but i kinda really wanna do it but I shouldn't.

I´m still following her on her socials and all bc we´re in the same friend group but sometimes I just want to block her so I can basically forget her. you know what's funny to me she blocked me off of her instagram story and I really don't understand why. like why the fuck don't u just block me completely if u feel the need to block me somehow. also I sometimes see her posts and I just get reminded (+ in her recent posts she's wearing the necklace that I bought her for her birthday so now im even more confused) like im actually so fuckin sad about this and that I think about if she even misses me but I kind of don't think so bc if she could basically throw away our friendship that easily than I guess there is not much to think about. oh and might I add our friendship was about 5 years and for the last 3 it was pretty intense we basically saw each other everyday and even facetimed everyday for several hours, 

I just don't understand.