i'm kind of late

to say i've felt depressed is kind of an understatement. i'm not even much of a depressed person. i don't feel sad a lot. but these days i have and i think it's a combination of college burnout and more negative self talk. which is, again, something i don't even struggle with a lot. like i have problems but this sort of stuff doesn't typically fit into that, so it's a weird feeling. 

i've started missing people i dont talk to anymore, like people i've had falling outs with and such. when i was in worse places and i didn't have the headspace to be a good friend, i fucked up a lot with people i cared about. sometimes it sucks to think about how they remember me, as some messed up version of myself that didn't know how to act. i've grown up a lot more now, but still. i don't like the feeling. it hurts to think about and i don't like saying it hurts. it feels weird

i feel like i let multiple addictions fuck up my life and my friendships and my relationships. in general too, i just wasn't the best person and i regret a lot. if i could go back there would be a lot of things i'd do differently. i don't know. idk lmao idk anymore

but yeah i guess besides this shit, i've still been exercising regularly. i've been thinking a lot. waiting for the genshin update to drop next week and the ayato trailer to drop either today, tomorrow, or monday. i'm sure time is all i need to help me feel better. time and motivation, which are two things i can get. i know i'll pull myself out of it, i'm confident. 

everything's gonna be okay. signing off for now