feminist rants from a teenage girl who hates her body

// tw: mention of restrictive eating, body dysmorphia, anorexia, & bodyshaming //

before you read: this strictly to raise awareness of how terrible eating disorders can be and how much beauty standards truly do affect women; i'm not trying to trauma-dump or romanticize eating disorders in any way 

men will never understand what it's like to be a teenager growing into nearly impossible beauty standards

since the age of 10, ive been watching what i'm eating, drinking diet soda, eating at set times instead of when i'm hungry, getting anxiety before birthdays and family gatherings and meeting with friends and going to the beach and dates and so many other events where there may be high-calorie foods

i grew up watching my own mother hate her body, watching my father say things like, "have you put on weight?," "maybe you should wear something that's more flattering to your body type," "are you sure you want to eat all that?"

soon enough, i started thinking my thighs were too big, my waist was too wide. my jawline is too soft, my stomach sticks out more than it should when i wear tight dresses. 

ive been afraid of milk shakes and lava cakes and peanut butter and lollipops and pasta and fried dough and pizza and potato chips for as long as i can remember

eventually it got so bad that i was screaming at my mother nightly

i accused her and my stepdad of trying to make me "fat"

when in reality

they were trying to keep me alive

to this day i only feel safe when chewing on lightly salted rice cakes and sipping on coke zero

anyhow, i know 4 girls who are diagnosed anorexics

i know 7 girls who are actively dieting

i know 15 girls who have called themselves "fat" in a negative way 

wana know how that compares to boys?

0 diagnosed anorexics

2 who are actively dieting/working out

5 who have called themselves "fat" in a negative way

im sorry if this comes across as invalidating men who struggle with eating disorders, that's the last thing i would ever want to do

but its just ludicrous how women have these standards that are nearly impossible to reach if you werent given the "right" genetics

but anyways: if you get anything out of this jumble of angry thoughts and traumatic experiences, let it be to think before you speak. compliment people more. eat the last cupcake. you deserve to.