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The Future of My Music
Life tends to take twists and turns, and is usually a lot more fun when that's the case. I often get caught up in the present to the point where I can't see past the bend at all. Some might call that a good thing: living in the moment. Some might call that same thing being shortsighted. I used to believe that my future never really mattered and found it much more enjoyable to live in the moment and never think about the future, but times change and so do priorities. Dreams get put on hold, or more accurately, get abandoned altogether.
Recently, I have been composing my fourth collection of music with great difficulty. When before I put everything I made on the internet immediately after finishing up the first draft, I find myself now revising to a point of disgust. Nothing feels like it's worth my time or anyone else's because at the end of the day it will get lost in the sea of beautiful music with no listeners. The time I am putting into making emotionally moving songs will eventually just be lost due to the fast-paced world we live in.
I often wondered why artists and musicians gave up what they did. Why did they just stop performing, writing, and creating? Was it lack of time? Lack of resources? Lack of proper motivation? No. It wasn't the lack of anything, but instead the surplus of doubt and high standards. There reaches a point where you get in the way of yourself too much, and that's the bend of the road I am at right now; it feels like I've been taking this turn for months. Then again, I may also be thinking far too dramatically about this entire situation. In which case, I should just shut up and enjoy creating for myself. But who's ego is stable enough for that? Surely not mine.
What to do...what to do?
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