insane journal entry i made while on mushrooms

yesterday i asked B if he wanted to kiss, we did and he had his eyes open i could tell, he looked fishlike from up close, i liked his hands, i didn't like as much how he kissed me- poking or pecking like a fish eating drops of food- maybe all of the fish reference because we went to the aquarium but

i wanted to tell him to kiss me more softly, like picking flowers- you wouldn't yank a flower out of the ground, you would touch its petal then pinch its stem, but not so tightly that you'd crush it . I'm imagining a stem snapping, juices come out and you realize its hollow. if I'm hollow i don't want it to be revealed by a kiss, but i guess what better time

i made pumpkin pancakes this morning. i kneaded the dough, covered my hands in vegetable oil and formed dumplings, made a dent and filled it with a spoonful of brown sugar, peanuts and crystalized honey and closed it all inside, pinching and twisting. when you heat them on the pan some of the honey oozes out, when you bite into them theres a crunch, then the honey and sugar fills your mouth, drips on your fingers, just enough of it,

i want to be kissed this way