hello?

Why does this feel like I'm writing an exam or some boring English paper right now? I actually like English if I'm honest. Liked. I'll one hundred percent real with you, I have no idea what this website is or if anyones actually on it. I have no idea if it's old or new like the Tiktok I saw about this. It claimed it was new anyways. They specifically said that 'this is the new myspace' so i was like 'ok then' and now we are here. Where is here? Where is anywhere? Spooky.

I'm debating wether or not to say my name or much about myself because I'm afraid someone I know sees it, which is probably quite unlikely. This website won't blow up will it? What if I write something someone doesn't agree with or like, what if I write something wrong? Having my name attached to that coule be bad, right? But then I thought 'well I've uploaded my face onto this thing, might aswell be truthful about it'

My name is Cerys Alyssa. Thats pronounced K-ER-I-S. Eveyone has had an issue saying it once or twice. God the teachers at school were BRUTAL! I'm sixteen, unemployed, out of education and a total bum. I stay at home and smoke and lay in bed and it is literally the most boring thing you could ever imagine. Some days are good, don't get me wrong. I get to see my boyfriend very often, I have all this free time and I can focus on what I really love. Unfortunately I love very few things.

THINGS I LOVE:

1- My boyfriend, he comes over all the time and he's very handsome and stinky.

2- Smoking gods great green plant :) speaks for itself tbh

3- The Office. US version. I may be from the UK but we have the shit office. 

4- Cats. I have two cats, two rabbits and a dog. I love my cats the most in this whole entire household. One of my cats is evil, she IS the devil. Her name is Sushi and she's a small all black kitty cat. You can't go near her, she will kill you. Except if you're my mum lol she loves my mum. My other cat is Nam Nam. He is gorgeous, beautiful, handsome, an absolute super model. He loves to play and cuddle, he even tries to be friends with Sushi but she hates everything with a pulse. My dog is the newest addition to the house, shes a few months old at the moment. Her name is Missy, she's part sausage dog- part little shit. She's really cute thought. Especially cute when she's sleeping. She wakes up at 8am and barks non stop. I would prefer the rabbits in a stew but they're cool I guess. They don't do much. Poor bun buns.

5- MUSIC!!!! I love music. Music is my true love. It doesn't matter if I'm making it, listening to it or if it's just in the background, I love music. It's my passion and the only thing I see myself doing with my life since I left school.

I've been all around the education system since I was like 13. I always hated school though. I'm not sure what it was about school when I was younger but I hated it with a passion. The first time I remember crying because I had to go to school was probably in year one. I was six. I remember in year six when I was like ten, I'd locked myself in the bathroom because I didn't wanna go in. The teachers came to my house and tried to get me dressed for school but I wouldn't budge. Even called one of them a bitch. I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2016 and I'm still trying to figure out what else is wrong with my brain till this day.

But because of my mentally ill brain, even at a young age, I had no idea how to comunicate. I didn't know the word 'anxiety' nor did I understand why I acted out the way I did. This made me angry, all while having conflict with both of my parents. I would have crazy outbursts and I would get so angry at everything. Even my best friend. I remember one time these girls were picking on me, I must have been nine at that point, I just remember grabbing that bitches hair and pulling her straight to the ground.

In year 7 I will admit, I had a good grip on everything. But I was so naive and dumb. Bro I let some bitch pour pasta on me. I was being bullied because I was different. It hurt even more knowing that one of the girls I went to primary school with was just waiting for a chance to dump me off. I'm not sure at what point I decided to just give in and be a horrible bitch to everyone, I suppose it just happened over time. But instead of people picking on me, I started retaliating. It caused fights, drama, I started acting out in class. I skipped detention upon detention, I was sent out of class everyday and got so many iscolations. And that was when I actually went into school.

Long story short my attendance dropped so I dropped OUT. That was 2019. I'm still in different minds about the whole decision, if I'd stayed who knows what might have happened? But also, who knows? I could have done really well or I could be six feet under. It wasn't a very happy expirence.

I was out of school for a while, applied for a new school in the meantime but everyone I applied for said no. Surprisingly. So, I started making music. It helped me so much. Just writing and writing and writing about myself. At this point I'd lost all my friends and we were heading into 2020. Shit year. Let's skip.

My sister Ashton moved back home that year, we get along well. She's my best friend ever. She's eight years older than me, making her 24 currently. We're like twins. Me and my other sister (kathryne) don't get along as well as me and Ashton. They're not really the best of friends either. Ashton was the first person to really believe in me and my music. It really helped me. She supports me even today and I've barely put anything out. She shows her friends and it makes me feel like I should be working harder.

When I finally got into a new school, I showed my friends my songs and little recordings and they always were so nice to me. They were always impressed and always listening. I liked that about them and I still do. But bad habits die hard and now once again I am not in school. But instead of being lonely and sad, I genuinely do want to do something good with this time. I've got until college to finish my music project.

This comes to the whole point of this blog thing. I want to make music. And I want to document my journey. I apologise if this was long and boring but I wanted you to have an insight on my life. Because everyone assumes everything about me now. It feels good being able to do this, maybe there was a reason I saw that dumb Tiktok. This is a journey, feel free to tag along. This is it for today, my first day writing everything down for strangers on the internet lol.

see u x

C <3