Diary entry 6 - "I promise I'm not grooming an American boy-"

I have done some research on schools and this is what I found. There are no studies for working in a zoo. At this level it would be animal management then. which is just a desk job instead of being with animals. For event planner, there are two different ones that caught my attention. Tourist management and leisure and event management.

Tourist manager is about planning tours, which is a lot of fun. And leisure and event manager is about fun events, fantasy fairs, pride events, music events, weddings. Is what I assume. Both fun options. If tourism management is not about tour planning but just about managing campings or hotels then no that's not gonna work. 

The only bad thing is that this job will involve a lot of calling, making deals and stuff. Now, when it's professional and not personal, I'm a lot better at talking. I'm usually very direct, so I think that would maybe help, but I'm very bad at small talk. Also, I don't know if I can handle a position as leader. I like to lead and plan, but if things go wrong I will be called and have to fix it. 

But I still feel hyped about this study. onlyyyy thing is that I found 9 studies that fit me but none of them in my preferred city, the one closest by. So I will have to travel a bit longer. Or I will have to move out for the real student life experience.

I don't mind moving out and rooms are affordable (still too expensive but I could probably find a room) but next to doing this study I will then need to work, make my own food, keep the place clean and I will have to live with others. Since sharing rent is the only way.

I don't want to go to school in Leiden tho because it's such a student city that for some places (like bars and libraries) you are only allowed if you are part of the correct Student association, and those clubs are literary like cults. People have legit died trying to get in and by student activities, and you can't get out. They have like legit gangwars against other clubs, so you also better not be in the wrong club, what is the wrong club? Depends on the person you ask.

 But you have to be in one otherwise you're almost not allowed to do anything. So idk that all sounds scary

everyone online said that this level of school is serious business and hard work, but I think I can handle, since I went through higheschool and last college without really trying. So if I really try, I think I can make it. 

Now I will have to go to open days, where the schools are open and give information to people who would like to go. If I do this study, I will have the highest education out of my close family XD 

which is funny since I did a pretty low level of higheschool.

I'm kinda scared tho, I noticed I always get very impulse in spring because I finally feel good then. So what if this whole school thing is just impulsive. 

At work I thought all day about how I want to visit my boyfriend in America. He wants to visit me, but he has to get money and all his paperwork ready, which is a lot of work. And I practically have everything except for a passport. I could fly to the capital of hist state and get a hotel there for 2 weeks. 

I talked about my plans of coming over to my boyfriend, and he doesn't want me to go, well he does want to see me, but the food in America is bad quality, with toxic ingredients that are banned in Europe, so he is scared I will get sick and that I can't handle it. And everything is really expensive. 

also it's really warm where he lives and i can't handle heat. but i mean i just need to see him, so my brain can stop saying he's made up. 

Also, he does not want to take my money, so me paying for the hotel where we will stay won't work ... but he doesn't have a job and his mom doesn't want him to have a job somewhere because of corona. And I don't know how to make money from home. So it will take about the same time for him to get that money or this money, I guess I need more patience...

Today at work I talked with my coworker Linze. who i don't think I met before, but he said "wow u work a lot of hours" so I guess I have met him before. He's one of those extroverts who will just take an introvert and keep asking questions, I like those kinds of people, it makes it easy for me to talk because I'm horrible at starting conversations. He looked kinda cute but that probably just because he has brown hair and I have a type- listen this specific type of brown hair I like is pretty rare here, with all these blond boys everywhere. Also, probably because looked and acted kinda gay, but like yass gay. So kinda straight gay again, you know. The kinda gay that goes and drinks wine with the girls on Friday evening. So no.

He asked me if I had plans for the weekend and I said "work" he said "then when do you have free??" and I told him I'm free on some random days like tomorrow. He said, "but there are no bars or parties on Thursdays!!" I told him i never really go out anyway, I like to stay in and game or watch series. He clearly could not relate

so he looked and talked gay, but apparently he has a girlfriend. Anyway he asked if I had a girl and I told him that I have a boyfriend in America, and he looked at me in shock and was like "why? There are so much people over here you can choose from! Why torture yourself like this!" then he asked about his age, and it told him he is 18 and once again he almost dropped what he was holding because he already knew I was 21, and he said "that's a lott younger" it didn't help that later I said that we met on Instagram, and we have been dating for almost 4 months, but we have been talking for like 2 years. Then I see him do some mental math, and he looked at me suspiciously...

"sooo he was 16, and you were 19???" and I was like "ehhhhhh listen-""I promise I'm not grooming an American boy-"

later he was like "and I thought I had a long distance relationship I have to ride my bike one and a half hour every weekend to see my girlfriend"

Also, he kept being like "jeeez America??? Really???" every time he walked past which was pretty funny.

Song of the day: Prism by Starkey
Definitely, the part from 1:35