8/17/21 I Only Play One On TV

I'm going to see Rise Against. If this didn't sound like my MySpace in 2008, I don't know what does. To me though, this date is weird. It holds meaning on many parts. Explains why I wound up liking the band, and some reasonings of things that have led me the way I have gone.

The summer of 2008 was a crazy one. I spent most of my summer working on a new band, and that was my focus. I decided I didn't want to do much that year because it was my "freedom" summer. Near the end of HS, I found myself being in that half-assed 80s phase. Yes, my phase in HS wasn't emo, it was this "I think I can be Axl Rose." That was horrible, and probably almost ruined my voice. The band I was working on sounded like some weird form of Motley Crue, and Def Leppard. It was strange, but worked.

In July of that year, the guitar player had scored some tickets to Motley Crue's CrueFest, and three of the four guys in the band went. This is where the story gets interesting....

While on the lawn between bands, this girl out of no where approached me. She said, "you look like Dave Grohl, can I get a picture with you." I was kind of spell bound, and I thought she was super cute. So I waited between bands to go find her again. I never clicked with someone so quickly before. It was amazing. Mind you, I was some 18 year old that was easily bought on things, however this was something way different. We chatted up, exchanged numbers, and MySpave names. By the end of the night, I was able to get a kiss out of her. I was entranced.

I remember in the coming days I waited to text her, probably about two or so. I was shocked when she replied. We decided to set up a phone call. Six hours later, we hung up. I was close to two in the morning. The craziest thing happened on the call. We couldn't hang up. I waited, and then she waited, we couldn't do it. We would normally chat very evening an then I would crash out.

With every good thing, there is a catch. She was living in Flagstaff, and I was in Phoenix. We made plans to get together in the middle of August. I would go spend the weekend with her in Flagstaff, and we would hang out there. We still spoke on the phone, and readied for our weekend. 

I went up there on Friday Aug 15. I got up there early afternoon. So we basically had the whole day to ourselves. It was amazing. Won't fully disclose what took place, but I don't remember finishing the album we started listening to. The fireworks we had were incredible. It was this moment I realized how stupid fast I fell for her. I had met people all along the way, but there was something special about her. That afternoon, I remember her showing me Rise Against's MySpace, and their old guitarist. I realized I liked the band as well. I knew who they were since 2004, but never found my way directly to them until now. 

The next day was weird though. Something felt off with her from the get go. I distinctly remember going to a park and playing basketball. Something just didnt feel right. Once the night came around, I found out why. She wasn't sure. This was one of the hardest moments for me emotionally. We both spent the early evening crying. I couldn't take how hard this was. It felt like something was being removed from me. In all reality, I do blame myself for what happened. I feel like: 1. I was going two fast 2. That stupid 80s phase was awkward and she didn't like it. 

Departing Flagstaff was difficult. I was hurt, I was torn. But, I went home on Sunday Aug 17. 

Mistakes are made everywhere. I realized that I never reached out to her after. I felt like I should have given her space, than just ran away. I wouldn't see her again until June 1 2009. At that point things for me were weird. However, all because of her, I began religiously listening to Rise Against. Here I am, all these years later.

The last time I remember seeing her was in 2015. No words were spoken, we were just ghosts in the same room. No eye contact, so hi or how are you doing. I realized years earlier that this was bound to happen. At a Warped Tour I saw her, we locked eyes, and just walked past each other like it was nothing. Then in 2014, I was standing right next to either her or her sister with a group of friends at a concert. In the end we all become ghosts to people.

I have never been angry about it, sad yes, but never really bitter about it. If anything I would just love to say "thank you for those brief moments." You don't realize it then, but the impact they have were immense. 

Now I sit here and am about to go to a concert I wouldn't be going to if it wasn't for someone. It's crazy. I sing sometimes, and hope she hears me. My life has changed, I wouldn't want people back in those capacities, as were not the same, Like I said, a thank you is all I have to say. There's always more to this story as things go on. I will probably reference this story a few times. Between song meanings, and other odd things in my life. So keep this in mind if you're following.

I must go... It's time for the show.....