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I suffer with Bipolar-Depression and at first I thought "no way," but now I'm starting to realize this shit is real. I feel like it's taking over me and my life. I find myself wanting to stay sad and never accepting the good things that happen to me. Every time my life is going smoothly, I have to go and think that something bad is bound to happen and ruin the moment.
I'm so used to the shitty aspects of my life that I think I want my entire life to be shitty. I sometimes want to be pushed so bad to the point where I just succeed at actually killing myself and it's scary. I don't truly want to die. I want to find my fucking purpose or something to live for because I am currently not enough. I am not worth living for in the moment. I want to live and I want to be happy without questioning it.
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