Kinda eh

Last couple days have been okay, the usual sleeping all day and staying up all night talking to my friends. I also have forgotten to take my medication for a week (have now taken) but feel as though I'm going to have an episode. What type of episode? I have no idea, but I have a feeling I'm going to have some sort of break

My boyfriend is distant as always, has not helped my overthinking that he said he's meeting up or has met up with one of his female online friends (have no idea if they have or haven't, he hasn't replied to me for over 20 hours). Sometimes I wonder if he wants to hurt me emotionally, because I tell him so often how certain things upset me and explain how we can avoid it and work through it but he never proceeds with it.
It's upsetting, I hate being in a cycle of getting together, him losing interest, us going no contact then the cycle repeats. It hurts to know this is how it will likely be forever, because he's my first love and I will always go back to him.

On a more positive note, I'm going to a planetarium tomorrow, the Bojack Horseman fan inside me is dying but it's worth it. I'm very excited to go but most likely will have to pull an all-nighter as its 2AM currently and I need to be awake at 7AM.
Also seeing my social worker tomorrow, I'm not really in the mood to because all I want to do at the moment is mope around in my room and cry, but I have to do it.