confession

ok so ik im a huge bitch and i dont deserve them whatsoever but hear me out plsss i had this one friend and we werent like close close but like we could talk to eachother and like later on during the friendship i started to like them and ik this sounds so like off but ive never had an actual crush so when i started to like them i got scared and like blocked and avoided them cause i felt like guilty n embarrassed and now its like months later and im literally obsessed with them like i could just be like talking about something totally not related to them but i still think of them and also for some reason im always looking for them and like questioning what they do but i feel so baddd cause i ruined our friendship just cause i was scared like i feel so guilty and everyday i want to talk to them but its like too late also it sounds so weird to be like " hey yeah i didnt like avoid you cause i hate you i actually rlly like you yk like romantically and im a pussy yk cause i was scared youd reject me" like that sounds so wrong if sum1 did that to me i would literally fight them so umm yeah im trying like so hard to get over them but i honestly cant so imma just endure it until it like goes away yk ughhhh im so fucking stupid ikkkk i wish i could turn back time honestly i wish i could just tell them but its too late for that hopefully they dont hate me too much