Why my kins chosed me not i chose them...

but did i really choose them...i feel like they chosed me...

you see i was in a really dark place in my life when i got seriously into some videos Biju mike made about donganrompa...he played the whole series and i watched them all...i knew of the first one mostly at the time and it was a good start to the sreies...i love the premise of it...but i never had money to bye the rest of the series...as i was in this dark place headspace wise...i watched these came on time...where i would have to learn to live without someone i really loved...and well i needed something to fill that void but nothing really worked...until the video came out and i was hooked to the series...the 1st one wasn't my favorite but it wasn't bad it just wasn't enough for me...since i saw it years ago being played by someone i don't talked to anymore...then v2 came out...and i heard so much about Nagito being a lot of people's favorite...and as i continued to watch the series unfold i fell for him too...because i can relate to him so much...unrequited love...feeling isolated for being obssesed with a dream that was nearly impossible to achieve...but even so i was feeling less alone to know theres a character that represented me in a way...

he was abandoned as a child and was treated poorly...childhood dog died and has trauma

I'm not saying my parents abused me or abandoned me...but i did felt isolated and lost out there as a kid...no one liked me i was always bullied unrequited to everyone including some friends...who said were my friends and then left as soon as roomers started un fairly to me...my parents got devoiced and not having a dad around could of been part of how i am now...but he's trying now and I'm trying to forgive...being...alone for most of my life or feeling isolated because i was obsessed with things people did not understand...and bullied me to oblivion...no one cared and even when they tried to help it made things worse...so yeah...

nagito represents my childhood of being abandoned...and i wish sometimes he's real so i can have someone who gets it...and is willing to stay friends for a long time...

after donganrompa 2 there was a spin off game with nagito in it...he was in the real world...not the simulation he was in in v2 and was alive and well...he was shown to have replaced his arm hand with junko's and covers it with a grey and black mitten  and i just loved him even more...his outfit was amazing and that's why i cosplay him as servant nagito...because i was obsessed... 

theres a sense of comfort to me that nagito is just severely misunderstood just like me...and though i wouldn't kill for hope i do have intrusive thoughts i put on the web and then regret it later because people takes it seriously...

look at this mans...

he looks amazing in this...

but anyway...he wasn't my first cosplay...he was the second and i'll now be talking about Kokichi...

kokichi at first annoyed me in the game...well...not like annoy annoy...i found him amusing...he was comedy relief for me i think...the way he admits flat out he lies about a lot of things and that he loves to get on peoples nerves...so i found him annoying like a sister to a younger sibling at the time...and now...well the whole story later about him...was fucking genius...his ending was so crazy and convoluted and complicated and i can't help but to respect the writers who came up with this character he reminded me on nagito in some ways...but like...only the antagonist part..lol kokichi was so admired by me i saved up got the money to buy his whole cosplay and to do tiktoks with it...i only got confidence because of kokichi...because i didn't know what to do on tik tok really at the time but lip sync to songs people really did not know...but kokichi opened a whole nother door for me...and i thank him for that...its stupid to thank a fictional character but he gave me so much confidence in myself playing as him for a few mins to an hour that i got my spark back...

kokichi claims to be the surpreme leader of evil...but he's mostly the serpreme leader of lies...hiding away from some truth that comes withing himself...and dude...that's how i am..i lie about how i'm doing,feeling,thinking,because i'm afraid to face my own problems because it been with me for so long that...i can't find a way to bring it to myself to face them...

kokichi at surface level is a pathilogical lier...he doesn't le anyone get near him because he's afraid to be betrayed by them...he was bullied as well...in the game his memories of his past true self was deleted from existence and no one really knows exactly who he was before the killing game...and so we only have the altered version of himself who lies and has a supposed organization called D.I.C.E which he's the leader of but its not what it seems by what he says it is...what he says it is a secret organization that can rule the world...if he wanted them to...all he has to do is tell them what to do and it'll happen...but the reality in the false memories is he is just in a group who worse crimes are mistometers that will get him in jail for a little amount of time...but...he wanted to created something bigger them himself so he did...

how i related to him is pretty self expletory ...he lies about his life to make him seem

"well scary " because no one believes a lier when they lie to much...so he lied about being the mastermind to end the killing game so everyone can just go home but...when you say you are a wolf...and end up really being a black sheep people start to doubt your judgement...be as evil as you can then they'll listen then they will understand...but...no one truly did...no one bothered...not one took the time because you say your okay...when your really aren't....and noe that your really aren't okay...then no one takes you seriously anymore...i wish kokichi didn't have to die and i found him the most intresting character with a story that wasn't ment to go further but i really really wish it did...i still hope one day team danganrompa comes with a comeback and say "sike...it was a simulation kokichi didn't actually die...gottie" like nagito got that ending...but i get it..reusing a consept can be seen as lazy and people probably perfer him dead so they can't ruine the amazingness that was kokichi ouma in danganrompa v3...but i keep him in my heart reuse his character to my avail bthrough fanfictions and possible lives he could of had cannoningly...

and thats my explination really...thee two characters mean so long and dear to me because they gave me hope on what i can do and try things out as i go instead of wasting away crying about something out of my control...i'm looking forward to Decedence and probably fan girl out over nagito without a shirt and kokichi with abs...and die happy as i play a digital board game and hope for some lore in the process...

kokichi chosed me 

and 

so did nagito...to show them love on tiktok lol XD

as silly as it sounds...