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ive been drinking again. im not even sad or anything. i started drinking at my bfs and i forgot how much fun being drunk was and i just crave it more and more. and now i have a job it sorta makes it worth the while to wait until i dont have work the next day. i just love being drunk. im so friendly. it puts me in littlespace. it makes me sooo fucking horny and social. i miss having ppl to talk to and its sad that i need to be drunk in order to wanna talk to people. hangovers make me wanna kill myself tho lol.
idk if the prozacs wearing off or not. i miss being so mentally fucking sick. i miss being able to starve myself easily but at the same time i dont miss crying every day and night and having the world on my shoulders.
i'd been toying with the idea of self harm for a while now and on sunday i cut my arm for the very first time with an exacto knife. my mom hasnt even noticed and i've made no attempts to cover it up. its sick that im proud of drawing blood and i wanna do it again. my bf is upset but fuck it. i think self harm is beautiful.
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