Where did it go?

The other day I was coming home from an eventful time with my two sisters, and I didn't have anything to do on the hour drive home. My phone is lost, probably forever (and i cant get another one until im 16) and my music player was dead. I had no books, and besides, reading in moving vehicles gives me a headache and makes me wanna throw up, so i decided to stare out the window, since i loved doing it when i was little, it was always so much fun, and so fascinating, but as i was looking out the window, it wasn't fun, it wasn't fascinating, it was boring. Bland, and ugly out too. where did the magic go of looking out the window? no matter what the weather was, no matter what time of day it was, no matter where i was, it was always such an interesting thing to do on long car rides. but now? it wasn't the same. it wasn't fun anymore, it wasn't magical, it was just, the car window. nothing special about it. when did this happen? i know i have had a pretty fucked up childhood for sure, but i didn't think that it was all gonna just disappear right away once i began growing up. i used to play with my LPS by car windows on long car rides, making them sing along with the music on the radio, i used to play with stuffed animals, i used to like jumping on the bed. I used to be a child. i know im still pretty young, but once you've been through shit like i have, you mature a bit quicker. though i know some parts of me still are that little girl. and im okay with that. i used to play with dolls for hours on end, i used to adore painting, i used to watch Cookieswirlc and Dantdm. i used to do and love all of those things, and now? they don't appeal to me. at all. I tried having nostalgic moments, but i just couldn't, they weren't my thing anymore. i know this is a long boring post, but lately i've been feeling like writing more, if you read this, then thanks, i guess?