Virgo Full Moon (LATE)

The peak was in my fifth house, highlighting creativity. And yeah, I’ve been thinking about that. Thinking about how I’ve been lacking it, in a sense. I can create, but some imagination is lacking. I feel like I haven’t been saying much, for a long time even, because there’s nothing new to say. I’ve lost the ability to create a new feel, I can't say what I’m not already feeling. But how am I supposed to bring a new feel into my world if i can’t bring a new feel to my brain? If i am creating my reality, why is everyone else adding to it? Did i just call in messages that confirm my delusions? If it is true, and another person misuses their free will, what am i supposed to do with that? I know i have to step into the unknown with nothing but curiosity. I know I have to clear my mind. Maybe my hope needs to be less specific. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I know too much, and then I wanna know more. I feel I can’t let myself want or desire anything because it just pushes that away. It doesn’t come for so long and I stuff the feeling until I cannot take it and it still hasn’t arrived and I use all my energy convincing myself that it is finally coming so I don’t feel the pain of not having it but it never comes and i let myself suffer forever. I can’t bring myself to do anything for long without coming back to that old thought.