so you think you would be a good parent

A choice that is meant to happen on a specific timeline, after you find love, after you get married, after you invest in housing, after you get a stable job. A child is meant to bring a sense of fulfillment to your life. It means you did a good job. Good job. 

for most people the action of having a child is not because they actually want to nurture another being. Its because they are seeking that fulfillment that they could not find elsewhere.

This is my theory.

You may or may not be familiar with Abraham Maslows hierarchy of needs.

it goes like this.

1. physiological needs (clean air, clean water, food, sleep, housing, things you need on a basic molecular level)
2. safety needs (secure housing)
3. Love needs (the need to give and receive unconditional love)
4. esteem needs (the need for a positive image of ones self)
5. self actualization (the need for achievement and mastery)

most people are unaware of the actual needs that we as humans must have to feel whole.

I personally believe that we as humans spend the majority of our lives trying to fill these needs.

Because often times as children wounds are created by our enviroments. And a wound usually lands on a specific level, for instance; verbal abuse is a trauma that many people have experienced and it greatly damages number 4 and number 5. And being unaware of this ideology that makes up human nature, people will try to find their fulfillment other ways, sometimes with dangerous vices such as alcoholism, drugs, sex. Or maybe they use totally acceptable (in society) ways to try and find their fulfillment such as having a child.

But having a child to try and find your own fulfillment in life is not the right thing to do. If you are still struggling to find love needs or safety needs or esteem needs or self actualization 

if you don't already have these parts of yourself formed and steady and you bring a child into the world, you are perpetuating a cycle of selfishness. 

its a societal construct that has been around for fucking generations.

its not what you can do for a child, its what a child can do for you.

So next time you have "baby fever" ask yourself which hierarchy you are even on.

Most people spend their lives stuck on trying to find unconditional love. Or fixing their sense of self. To truly be a parent your ego needs to be in check. You need to already have love inside you.

You cannot bring a being into this world and ask them what they are going to do for you.

They do not have a role. you are the one is going to do for them.

When you have a child it is your responsibility to help them form on all levels. Not to continue trying to fix yourself. A child will not fix you. or fulfill you. or nourish you. or love you. Not the way that you need to love them. Most people will have children for the wrong reasons and their child will go out in the world unfulfilled and searching for meaning that the parent was unable to give because they were still searching for their own. This cycle of selfishness needs to stop. And it starts with recognizing your own selfishness. Are you even capable of waking up and not thinking of your own needs first? Do you still care what others think of you? Are you still trying to find yourself? Do you even know who you are? answer these questions before you get knocked up please. Do us all a favor.