The death of Flash player

2020 was a dark year for a variety of more serious issues, but none affected me as much as the death of Flash. Taking away many gems of my youth such as: Papa's Pizzeria, Wingeria, Burgeria etc.

Shortly before this atrocity, I had just regained access to Myscene Girl Games, Oswald the octopus at a café, babysitting that baby "barbie" game (I don't think it was barbie, just some blonde chick). Games that really molded me into the bad bitch I am today.

I was in my freshman year of undergrad when I dug these games up from the depths of the internet- and subsequently lost them shortly after.

I was not mentally ready for college.

I excelled academically, which led to pressure and false confidence about going to university. 

Beyond "going for the wrong reasons", "choosing the wrong school", "picking the wrong state"; I fundamentally imagined college differently than my peers.

I had always, even at a young age, viewed it as some social epicenter. The place you meet life-long friends, explore your sexuality, screw a professor, experiment with drugs, move into an apartment with 6 people.    

So when I didn't receive that reality, I quite literally didn't know how to act.

I went borderline insane from 2018-2021- but more on that later. 

The reality I received was a male dominated college in the south, a relationship I didn't enjoy with a boy I wasn't attracted to whose friends didn't like me, sexual harassment, a pandemic, a mental crisis like none other.

I had made the wrong choice; and in attempting to fix it- I made a lot more.

But for a short while, these games were a major source of dopamine which I desperately needed. And now, only a year later, I mourn the loss of not only my youth- but my happiness.