Valuing myself is hard

From a young age I've always been really focused on saying things that everyone else will like, so that I can be liked by others. And I'm just now realizing that all this time I never stopped to think about what I want, or whether or not I'm happy myself. And what's ended up happening is that I've ended up basing my self-worth on someone else's opinion of me. And it sucks because I shouldn't feel so empty when I'm alone, but I do.

I doubt I would have ever come to this realization if it hadn't been for me trying to establish contact with my spirit guides. I was afraid to do so, since I've done things that I'm not proud of, and I thought they'd hate me for it. But when I meditated all those months ago to try and form a relationship with them, I was surprised with how kind they were, and how they only wanted to help me. It was when I established that connection with them that I was told not to base my value off of someone else's opinion.

But it's hard.

It's hard learning to undo something that I've done for my whole life. It's my first instinct now. When something happens, I immediately want to evaluate it through someone else and get their take on it. I know now that it's not healthy to do that all the time, but it's so hard for me to get out of that habit. I guess I have to get in the habit of finding happiness outside of the opinions of others.

I'm still learning.