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Found out a 16 year old secret trigger warning

So 16 years ago I was 12 years old back then it wasn't weird for 12 years old heck kids around 8 years old to be aloud to be dropped off for hours at places like the mall & skate land alone with friends. I remember skating around and being noticed by a very good looking guy who was clearly older then me. We get to talking I tell him I am 12 he tells me he is 16 yes still weird I know, but at the time I was like WOW a older guy with  a car is in to me. I was severely bullied back in the day and thought no guy would ever be into me so this was something I wanted I wanted someone to be into me.....and he was. We make plans to meet at the mall and hang out the next day. He ask me if I wanted to drive around with him I was like yeah sure, we go and park and we start kissing and he takes my pants off, I remember I had on SpongeBob and Patrick underwear. :'(  I tell him I can't do this I am not ready he was okay with it and we continue to be in a relationship talking on the phone for hours writing notes back and forth and a substitute teacher would pass our notes back and forth  being he lived 2 towns over. I thought I had the perfect relationship fast forward to me being 13 he was 17, we are at a private pool alone and one thing lead to another and I decided I was ready and well we did it, after that it was a daily thing sometimes(most the time) multiple times a day. Due to having a bad home life he even talked me into believing at 13&14 not just that I wanted to get pregnant, but married to him so he could save me from my bad home life(hero complex much....). Luckily it didn't happen, or if it did I had at least 3 miscarriage's & when I say luckily is because I was a child who did not need to be having a baby at 13 or 14. Within our last year or so of our relationship he cheated on me ALOT, I wanted to leave, but he would always say he would end his life if I left him so I stayed. Til one day I was just so tired, of his crap I told him I didn't care what happened to him......

Now lets fast forward to yesterday while I was at Walmart,

He saw me I didn't see him, he started hitting my ponytail to get my attention, I then just nicely start talking to him to be polite & he weirdly follows me to my car, I get in the car & he stands in my door to talk to me he starts talking about the past saying "I made you the FREAK you are today"(the whole time he wont keep his hands off me & even tried to kiss me*vomit*) I was like yeah I joke like that all the time to people. He then ask now that you are an adult what do you think about our age gap, I was like wait how old are you, he say 34 you should know that as he is saying that I type in that calculator 36-28=8...........WAIT WE HAVE A 6 YEAR AGE GAP NOT 4, he says you knew that, so while thinking of the perfect response. Then in the coldest most serious voice I could use I said if an 18 year old man wanted to talk to my 12 year old daughter(to which my oldest daughter is only 5 years younger then I was 16 years ago) I would not just hurt him I would kill him that is discussing. Ever since I discovered this I have felt violated, I now realized he groomed me he saw me for the weak girl I was & took advantage of me. I am not sure why I am posting this, is it to vent is it to get my story out there and possibly help someone I am not sure, but if you took the time to read this thank you so much. 

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