A Shape [tw]/poem

It is not your fault he says unknowingly damning me because that was never a question i had. It was never my fault until he told me that it wasnt and so implicated me.

I didnt need to be absolved and then i did. I sailed above the guilt until he told me

My actions have not been beautiful the way i wanted my actions to be beautiful

This doesnt make sense. I am angry that the man who raped me went on unstopped and that the mothers of allowed him as penance for their silence i am angry that a high-budget local furniture store who knew his history hired him i am angry that the man i love some decade and a half later made it clear to me that he didnt consider this my fault as if he were bestowing some grand act of charity upon

(me, victim)

It was not my fault i followed the rules but the rules were drawn up by the same man who would later ask me, whisper it, tactile acknowledgement that he knew exactly how in the wrong he was

Are you a virgin, and

Do you like it

Going forward i will joke about this to my mates and they will look at me in horror and I will assume i am the source of that horror and not

Otherpeopletoo. Othermother daughterslost.
Saw what he want. Did you come. I was too busy being raped

Not my fault! Says the hand clamped tight over my mouth.
Thank you? I guess?? 

Chose to follow me not him. But in small insidious ways. Probably he doesnt break down whenever a physical task is asked of him, probably he isnt terrified of sex. Probably forgotten it ever happened.

8 Kudos


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PRINCESS_ELI's profile picture

i loved it

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Jack Raven

Jack Raven's profile picture

Shit, El. I dont know too many people that keep it as real as you. Its like sometimes we have some big things we wanna say/tell/ vent… like, too big.. like, a lot of people cant even hold it for a sec, let alone bare it themselves big… and i feel like sometimes we keep the biggest heaviest stuff from others because how can one bare something they cant even hold?
In my opinion, breaking that barrier, holding your bloody heart to the sky, and saying,” i was able to convert pain and injustice into art. Look at me if you think you can handle it” makes for one of the most meaningful, powerful, and honest kind of artist.

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Shadow Bliss

Shadow Bliss's profile picture

I like it. I think its good at getting into the sadly relevant cultural mindset of "You were raped?! We must have full documentation on EVERYTHING that has happened!" "Wait...stop, I talked to the person you claim raped you and they said they didn't do it. That's good enough for me!"

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