three o'clock stars

i stare up at the ceiling, popcorn textured and probably full of asbestos
as if clocking these hours of restless nights will lead to unlocking some secret truth about life and existence
some hidden mystery only written in the three o'clock stars

and i do unlock something, something dark and cryptic
i unlock the painful thoughts that hide in shadows and swarm my mind when the sun is astray
i unlock restless overthinking, and a bitter pessimism

it isn't the mystery i hoped for, but my eyes are too heavy
words too unsteady to complain

suffering was supposed to be sweet
insomnia was supposed to be enlightening
and i'm supposed to be sleep -- nighttime is full of rebellion

i'd peek out from behind my curtains, try to make this night feel worth something
but i'm too afraid of what i'd see
a blank, dark sky, staring back with disappointment as even the stars decide to take their rest?
an ocean of flickering lights, filled with beauty i will never see in myself?
or perhaps i'll see the sun, streaming through a cover of clouds
burning my life deprived eyes to their core

the world outside is uncertain
and i have never been a person to take risks


2 Kudos

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