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Do you hate anyone and everyone you come across in online games?
Do you like your entire life being dependent on luck and bad choices?
Do you religiously play historic best-of-ones and nothing else ever?
This is the perfect deck for you!
...A bunch of random shit I threw together without spending any wildcards, with the sole purpose of aggravating myself and others. The choices are very far from optimal, and most other decks will perform far more consistently. The entire deck is dependent on you drawing what you need (or what your opponent really doesn't need) and having a great opening hand. I tend to either quit on turn 0 or have a very aggravating (for my opponent) victory.
This is a deck made primarily for fun and not to be competitive at all; it will absolutely not hold up in best-of-threes or ranked.
This deck (and blog post) were both made while very, very high. You have been warned.
The Cards
Golden Egg/Prophetic Prism
These do what you want VERY BADLY in a 5 color, 110 card deck: draw and fix! You will go nowhere without these. Guild Globe sucks compared to either of these.
Mind Stone
Provides decent ramp and emergency card draw if games run too long.
Cultivate/Circuitous Route
Ramp autoincludes. The mana base is mostly basics.
Gilded Goose
Great turn 1 play, great chump blocker later on.
Chromatic Orrery
A fantastic curve topper that fixes literally every problem with this deck; fixing and card draw. Can be played pretty early on if you're lucky with mind stones and ramp.
God's Mistake
All of these have a very powerful board presence that negate a lot of tactics! These are basically autoincludes in most WUx and Ux control decks and they are especially good here.
Narset of the Ancient Way
Turns dead draws into removal and provides decent ramp. I almost never ult her, but should be easy with Elspeth Conquers Death.
Elspeth Conquers Death
This is my favorite saga ever printed. There is plenty of potential for hijinks here. Recurs important board pieces and keeps your opponent from doing things for a good turn or two.
Archon of Absolution
Very good against RDW. VERY good against white weenie/tokens.
Archon of Emeria
With enough planeswalkers out you really only need to cast one spell per turn. Getting this out early is a priority to slow your opponents.
Authority of the Consuls
Passive lifegain and anti-haste for 1 mana!
Le Counterspells Have Arrived
Play around with these, find whichever ones you like best or fit the current meta.
Elder Gargaroth/Terror of the Peaks
Good wincons. Swap out terror of the peaks for dream trawler if you like being a bad person, or want to make this more of a bant deck.
Brazen Borrower
Provides bounce and a body in one card, both at instant speed. Autoinclude in any blue deck.
Grim Tutor
Will provide a good bit of your answers.
Shatter the Sky
Great board wipe that can be played as early as turn 3, which is good against aggro.
Overwhelming Splendor
Very fun to draw into. Makes people very mad. Pair with an ethereal absolution out of the wishboard to instantly go to hell when you die.
Literally All of the M20 Leylines
Only one of each. Meant to be put out at the beginning, but aren't too bad when drawn into mid-late game.
Fae of Wishes
For literally everything else I couldn't justify mainboarding; mostly answers to very specific threats.
The Wishboard
Our designated companion. Very useful for squeezing extra card draw out of prophetic prism and golden egg, resetting our planeswalkers' loyalty counters, and my favorite: cycling elspeth conquers death.
Time Wipe
For when you wanna keep your wincon and fuck everything else.
Damping Sphere
Good against UGx meme decks and izzet meme decks.
Funny Board Lock Combo Piece
Repeatable tokens and messing with your opponents creatures. If you want to go to hell when you die, combine with overwhelming splendor.
Rest in Peace
Not as good as leyline of the void, but I got pissed at gyruda too many times so I added it.
Deafening Silence
Deafening Silence
A worse archon of emeria that can't be killed through creature removal. Great against certain black decks.
Clear the Mind
Anti-mill.
Cleansing Wildfire
Great for those Ixalan enchantments that turn into lands.
Planar Cleansing
The nuclear option. Would be a perilous vault, but I don't have any copies.
Literally All of the Ikoria Ultimatums
All of these are fantastic options with enough ramp and fixing. If you have chromatic orrery out and a fae of wishes in hand, you can use literally any of these to incredible effect.
The Mana Base
It's literally all garbage. If you have better lands, use them!!!!
Arena Deck Code
Companion
1 Yorion, Sky Nomad (IKO) 232
Deck
2 Chromatic Orrery (M21) 228
4 Narset of the Ancient Way (IKO) 195
2 Narset, Parter of Veils (WAR) 61
4 Teferi, Hero of Dominaria (DAR) 207
4 Ashiok, Dream Render (WAR) 228
3 Grim Tutor (M21) 103
2 Elspeth Conquers Death (THB) 13
4 Cultivate (M21) 177
2 Circuitous Route (GRN) 125
1 Overwhelming Splendor (AKR) 30
4 Golden Egg (ELD) 220
4 Prophetic Prism (KLR) 264
4 Mind Stone (WTH) 153
4 Archon of Absolution (ELD) 3
2 Archon of Emeria (ZNR) 4
2 Authority of the Consuls (KLR) 9
4 Brazen Borrower (ELD) 39
2 Disallow (KLR) 46
2 Dovin's Veto (WAR) 193
2 Quench (RNA) 48
1 Leyline of Combustion (M20) 148
1 Leyline of the Void (M20) 107
1 Leyline of Anticipation (M20) 64
1 Leyline of Sanctity (M20) 26
1 Leyline of Abundance (M20) 179
4 Gilded Goose (ELD) 160
2 Elder Gargaroth (M21) 179
2 Terror of the Peaks (M21) 164
4 Plains (MIR) 331
4 Island (ROE) 235
2 Swamp (AKH) 262
2 Mountain (MIR) 346
4 Forest (MIR) 347
1 Thriving Isle (JMP) 36
4 Glacial Fortress (XLN) 255
1 Drowned Catacomb (XLN) 253
2 Rootbound Crag (XLN) 256
2 Clifftop Retreat (DAR) 239
4 Fabled Passage (ELD) 244
2 Hinterland Harbor (DAR) 240
2 Gateway Plaza (GRN) 247
2 Shatter the Sky (THB) 37
3 Fae of Wishes (ELD) 44
Sideboard
2 Time Wipe (WAR) 223
1 Damping Sphere (DAR) 213
1 Ethereal Absolution (RNA) 170
1 Yorion, Sky Nomad (IKO) 232
1 Ruinous Ultimatum (IKO) 204
1 Genesis Ultimatum (IKO) 189
1 Eerie Ultimatum (IKO) 184
1 Inspired Ultimatum (IKO) 191
1 Emergent Ultimatum (IKO) 185
1 Deafening Silence (ELD) 10
1 Rest in Peace (AKR) 33
1 Clear the Mind (RNA) 34
1 Planar Cleansing (M20) 33
1 Cleansing Wildfire (ZNR) 137
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