Insecurity

you say the words
you tell me that you'll never grow tired of me

you send sweet texts

you tell me you miss me when we are a part

but

I can't help but feel disconnected from you
I can't help feeling like there is someone else occupying your thoughts.

this seems to happen when I allow myself to trust you completely.
my brain starts finding loop holes
or reasons to doubt you
it seeks out all the reasons you could fall out of love with me
it looks for discrepancies in your stories

I do my best to fight my insecurities
I know that they scream lies

but it is hard to feel like this could all be ending
it is hard to feel like you don't love me anymore
it is hard to feel like we won't have the happy ending
the success story
the "until death do we part" ending of marriage

I won't fall victim to my insecurities
but I will be listening more closely to see...
if my intuition picks up anything

I pray that it's all just in my head
because I never want us to end.

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