•>>𝙸 𝙻𝙸𝚅𝙴! (𝙺𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚊)<<•

Hey there, SpaceHey, it's •Beck•

Looks like everything was as I left it! *coughs* Okay maybe there's some dust that I need to clear...

The first being: I LIVE!
Beck literally no one missed you shut up

I have been going through it the past couple of months or so. I'll try to give a breakdown as basic as I can to let everyone know what's been going on with me:

• Been going through some rocky relationship roads
• Been going through some crazy creative spikes with cosplay
• Been disassociating and entering derealization an unsettling amount
• Been going through some hormone bullshit with stuff (explained below)
• Been living my best queer life during Pride 2021

• • •
So it's been a lot

The one thing that I'll really go into is the hormone bullshit stuff because everything else is either too private to get into here or is pretty self-explanatory

Alright, so I was born without a Thyroid gland. Y'all know this I've said this before. If y'all don't know what a Thyroid gland does....here ya go. The long and the short of it is that it's a big player in the Endocrine System which is all about hormones. Because of this lackage of organ, I have to take meds to introduce the necessary hormones into my body to make me function "normally". Now, I do this by getting bloodwork done every 12-6 months, but, in case y'all been living under a rock.......we've been in the middle of a pandemonium for a while now. And my anxiety with needles and injections mixed with panini anxiety meant that I didn't get my bloodwork done in 2020.

And in true ✨Me✨ fashion, my Brain & Body vibe checked the SHIT outta me and...I absolutely did not pass. My levels were all sorts of fucked up (which explained why I was gaining an absurd amount of bloating weight). I saw a specialist and they gave me a new dose and a slip to go get my shit checked in 2 months.

However...what my Endocrinologist forgot to tell remind me is that your dosage and levels can affect your mood and any mood-based mental health disorders you might have.....such as ✨D E P R E S S I O N✨

But I guess it worked out because I didn't need reminding from a specialist...my fucking body decided to remind me by giving me a nice vibe check...that I'm not passing again.

So....yeah, my moods are all sorts of fucked up; I had to deal with the Crimson Tide two weeks after starting the new dose; and adding the other shit from above along with it...it's been a r o u g h few weeks.

The previous months of me being missing has mostly been me just dealing with relationship stuff as well as work and cosplay stuff. I am going to try and be here more often, but I can't promise anything big as I have a bad habit of disappearing into the void for a few weeks. But I do miss it here and I want to get back into getting on here more...if only they could make an app.....

Love y'all!
~ Beck ~

* No Question 4 U This Time! Just Venting!!!