Madam Whiskers talks abt stuff #6 'gay yearning and a lot of teen confusion'

im...a little confused actually

bc apparently its more normal than i thought to lose crushes quickly, and to be a liittle umcomfortable when u have ur first kiss or have awkward first relationships, and all this time i, thought that meant i would never date

i mean tbh maybe these ARENT common?? im still not sure man i just a kid who kissed a girl once and thought she would die, i am calling the 3 adults that added me to come help me figure this out

anyway...

also maybe it means something that the 2 times i was gonna have "something" with someone i wasnt really in love with them (when i kissed that girl i was confused and when i flirted with a guy for the first time in my life i had been crushing on him for like, a week? i cant remember)

its all so strange, bc sometimes i am absolutely repulsed of romance (and sex too) and some other times i want both, then at some points im neutral abt them, and so on...at the end idk what i am, at all

and its really hard to have a relationship or even build the hope to have one one day if u dont know what ur gonna feel next

and maybe thats normal too!! yk relationships end, people lose feelings or stop wanting something just before it happens but, idk, i feel so...guilty. for making someone believe i liek them and then realizing i dont want anything and then wanting it again

man, i really dont know whats going on lol...all i know right RIGHT now, is that i want to go back to when it was all simple. when i identified as a proud lesbian and would daydream abt girls all day, yk? now idk if im aromantic, asexual, bisexual, gay, i dont know wich labels would fit and i dont feel a connection to any of them anymore. its...a little isolating

i wish i could just fall in love with a girl without being afraid of realizing i dont like her right after we start dating, and i would like to kiss and have partners and just enjoy my sexuality like everyone else seems to be doing or planning to do (before anyone thinks it; i dont want romance or sex bc everyone else does. i want it bc i genuinely feel i would enjoy it if i had the chance)

and im oversharing again...well, sorry guys, Whiskers is not feeling it today

-Madam Whiskers

P.D: someone please come help me figure out at least if its normal to want romance but be afraid and a little repulsed of it