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My son said he saw everything what happened to my mom/his grandma he also had to get therapy treatment or the school would call CPS on me but he said in school ''I'm going to kill you!!!!'' which my ex said a lot when in rampage mode. He also drawled a man with a gun on several of his school papers and he drew a stick figure and scribbled that in red crayon. TELL ME. HOW IS ANYONE GOING TO BE FUCKING MENTALLY OKAY AFTER THIS?!!!! My son needed 4 years of therapy. Well what happened to me.....I already said that on one of my old profile pages....my dad finally put her to rest this year after all this time in 2017 he just wasn't ready. Also my dad tells me that my high school trauma was nothing and I need to get over it and it's 2021 and I got massive issues and I need to stop thinking about those punks which still till this day I remember it all....some days I let pass by....trying to distract myself some days it his all once some days I'm back to grieving..
And I rarely dream even on sleep aid but yesterday was....weird I just had a dream about a very dark ocean and aggressive waves and thunderstorms....nothing else? Maybe it's the fact I'm still blind and delusional to still make friends and impress others and not take care of myself and my well being. But people think I live in a fantasy and I made up a fake story about my life.....yeah I'm sadistic enough to say online my mother got murdered....yeah brilliant.
And people want to say spirituality is sign of insanity and psychopathic but in reality my ex was a lunatic. Spirituality was the gate way to my escape of off brand Xanax and Zoloft mix with booze. I was mentally ''howling'' nobody knew in the family that I did this but my sis and this is her and I secret. I was an addict for a year and a half in secret until later on in life I told myself that I must stop as I spiraled into ''madness'' my mother was my angel and my rock and my master. I had that snapped from me. I would meditate underneath these conditions at midnight. But....I honestly started taking the samurai code underneath my my new ''shell'' or ''suit'' Jin - compassion - slowly I started to ween myself down on a spiral of madness.
Last post but I'm not allowed to have these I.D. names as I see fit in real life as my family even my sister rejects this idea as they think I've a huge multi personality disorder. But tell me sweetcakes my aunts that are hard Christian and are anti gay and think that Satan created the virus and Jesus will be born again after the virus is over will accept me? This leads to the I.D. name online where I can be myself. I was never allowed to only around my mom because she is the only one that accepted me. According to my family not my sister but everyone else ''the problem child'' Satan's daughter your daughter is retarded and other things....yeah sorry to say I'll never be okay.
So I also posted this blog on GW. I don't know why because nobody cares on GW but I bothered anyway. However you will find in this blog the type of names and what kind of awful horrible things people say for example. Nice try. This is fake and so on. No account is needed.
If you want in depth detail what really happened all my life including what happened May 1st 2017 the day my mom got murdered then this is where you need to go.
For my physicals health this is the best place to start
With that said thanks for tuning in my horrid experience trying a dumb dating website in my 20's.
Maybe you can understand why I behave the way I do. If you still fail to notice why I act the way I do then I just don't know what more I can say. But farewell for now.
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