ibdp wants me dead

i started the ibdp program for real college credit (dumb) and now im about to fail all my classes and i literally cant motivate myself for shit. and also because i took ap/ib calculus this year (yes, it's a class that's both ap and ib), i have to do 7.5 hours of calculus testing at the end of the year!!!! 3.5 hr ap test and then 4 hrs of ib testing!!! im losing it

and that's just calculus, never mind the six OTHER classes that im already falling behind in. i have hours of testing for each one that im soooo not prepared for.

i will say that ibdp has given me the ability to manage serious stress that ive never felt before and ive heard that its the closest u can get to like college level education without actually taking college classes so i'll say it slayed quietly in that bit

anyyways....... i have my spanish oral on monday (i have to speak for 20 minutes on a random topic with no script and then its q&a time with my fluent native spanish teacher it sounds SO fun!!!) so im gonna study for that (read: im going to stay on this website bc i love the way it looks and i love typing. i might get on twitter and check my email some more).

also!!! mount holyoke college decisions come out soon (im not sure when, probably a week or two) and im sooooo nervous. i think i'll get in but i hope i get some scholarship so i can like.. entertain the idea of going there (and then go to a state school anyways ugh)

if ur reading this... hope youre doing well :p

ooohhh also i like dont see this website as like a real social media it feels like a fun game that im playing where i get to put a cute layout on my profile sooo if this is cringe and lame im sorry