Anxiety

I don't know how many can relate to this, and i've had a few different feelings and experiences with anxiety and the different ways it presents. 
       
        Since i was little it has ALWAYS affected my stomach, i always get an upset stomach with anxiety, i feel physically weak, kind of like i haven't eaten anything for a while.  and then i get really shaky and it turns very quickly in to a fear at that point and it can come from no where. 
 
I don't have to have done anything or seen anything to have that come on some times out of no where. but it does, and it's the worst feeling because i can't fix it or  remove what caused it to happen. 

Over the years, different thigns have started bringing on anxiety. and i realized over time i developed a Phobia, not just of Spiders because, i fear them all,  but it's gotten a Small bit better unless they are bigger . no, This phobia is very different and you can't always escape it or remove it. 

Emetophobia

Once i realized what that was and that i have a mild to semi sever form of it. i say that because when it caused my first actual Panic Attack, i couldn't be Near , anyone with an upset stomach. 
if i was, my own stomach would begin to feel upset, usually because of the anxiety over it at all. 

My anxiety over that used to be so bad that just someone saying they don't feel well without explaining what type of unwell feeling, set off my alarm bells immediately and i would get cold sweat and chills and shaky very fast. 

often times it gave me nausea so bad i thought i'd be sick and that feeling would then cause my anxiety over it to worsen. 

i joined a support group  for that phobia and anxiety and at first i  thought other peoples fears and struggles were making me worse, But then i noticed that even if i thought they were making me worse, i had not had anxiety  except only one time  through out one full year, and my worst anxiety actually came from someone trying to shame me for the way i reacted during 2020 when majority of places were in lock down, but where i live, we weren't having lock downs. so we weren't  Legally required to stay where we were. 
 and some things i talked about happened all so fast and all at once. 

they had me soo scared that i'd be fined a LOT just for leaving my house   and THEN finding out that i might have been sick. 

 I lost my sense of smell, but Only that and every thing else felt a lot like a bad cold while my family experienced worse symptoms than i did. i worried more for them than myself, but this one person wouldn't  shut up about forcing me to FORCE my fiance to stay home from work or risk a huge fine.  it caused that one anxiety attack over my mothers symptoms to worsen over the risk of being fined when we are all broke as shit. I began to worry  that i might lose my mom and my sister and if we didn't that they'd have to pay a huge fine because i left the house  when they were ill and then found out i might also be ill. 

my fiance barely exsperianced any sickness at all.  and anyone we had contact with never got sick. any time they might have we weren't around them and we stayed away from going places for 2 weeks once we knew . 

but since then. my anxiety has been easier for me to manage. 
I don't know why, maybe it is because 2020 caused every one else who normally don't have anxiety or panic disorders now had them and i wasn't the only one. 

But when they had anxiety the way i did, i was able to help some of them calm down. or give them tips on how to deal with minor anxiety attacks 

but i learned as well, anxiety can absolutly present sometimes as Anger, Fear,  Some times if i have panic attacks i want to be alone and i don't want anyone touching me
 touch worsen my nausea when im Panicing. 

if it's anxiety, then i'd rather not be alone , and i wanna talk or be near someone who makes me feel less anxiety , calmer. 

 most of the times it's not an option because my anxiety and panic usually happens more often at night time, when everyones sleeping. no matter Where in the world, if it's night time for me, it's inconveniant for every one else if i have anxiety at that moment. 

i've had to learn lots of different ways to handle anxiety by my self and just deal with it alone. 
it sucks, and i wish there was even just 1 person who would make the time  for me the way i do for every one else. 

but i don't wanna burden anyone either, so maybe not.