Chapter 1 - Alone

“Ecc. 1:9 The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.” 

Many of my nights have been spent dreaming of beginning this book.  I have dreamed of writing pages and pages and I have dreamed of finishing it. Then, finally, my prayer of being a full-fledged official author will come true.  

My ADD reasons with me differently, and taunts that I’ll never finish it. I guess this book is in part the therapy sessions I can’t afford and a work against the challenge of those things preventing me from being whole, from finishing.
My whole life sometimes feels like I’m working against the bleak odds of an ADD, sexual, emotional, & mental abuse, PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Against the odds of a narcissistic mother and a bipolar father. Trauma found a comfortable home in my immediate family, and I wish I had found that same comfort there. Sometimes I feel like the trauma lives within me too, like my whole body and soul is just a vessel for pain. 

I’ve been writing since I began reading. I’ve been story telling for longer. I don’t know if this book will benefit anyone in the world but myself, but in writing it, secretly, morbidly I’m hoping and knowing I’m not alone. The further I walk through life, the more that I discover, I am not.  

Alone is such a cruel word that we all fear so much, but ultimately, we are not alone. Every person has lived some part of our story, maybe even most of it. With these writings, I have only decided to tell the parts of other people’s stories that I have lived.