03/16/22

Resentment

She could've saved me, my mother.

She knew how this cruel world feasted on innocent young girls

Eventually she became bitter, 

I wish I could understand

I feel her resentment on me

I carry it on my shoulders.

I wish I could just ask

What happened,

Why could she never love me the way I needed?

But every single time I look into her eyes I go quiet

I stay silent until she allows me to speak

When I wonder why, 

Maybe it's because I resemble her in every physical way,

Or maybe it's another reason.

I break my back carrying around her anger, 

Her hatred.

It doesn't matter that she is my mother,

Or that she birthed me,

Because she always leaves when I need her

She taught me how to be left,

I wish I could tell her i'm sorry i'm hard to love

But the only thing I could force through my lips was,

I'm sorry.

           -p