Finding a place to fit in

I know I am very different from others, not in a way that people like to say so they feel special because I know that being different is actually a very lonely experience if you can relate then you probably are different too, but you already know that. So ive existed simultaneously lookin for ways to push the boundaries on difference while also always searching for a soulmate or group where i am accepted and even celebrated. Subcultures have been that place for those with difference but Im not quite sure I really fit into any of them, always feeling like an observer. My confidence is ever changing but overall It's not that i dont feel good enough but rather I havent found myself on my own yet. Self discovery is very hard and I'm in disbelief that I'm not even a tiny bit there. So i don't really know what my passion is either, in the last year or so I was so focused on surviving the isolation covid brought and my exams that i lost any effort to create. Now i feel stuck, just exsiting to walk around, listen to music and use social media as a crutch for any feeling of boredom no matter how momentarily. So much to mend and build, I'm starting from scratch almost.