CHRONICLES OF THE TALL FESCUE!

After a 3 year DIY home hardscaping process done by yours truly (with the help of his parents!) I finally made it a point to try to recover what’s left of my lawn this past weekend with my partner. This beautifully expensive Colorado river rock and curved, stone retaining wall we built, as well as my two gorgeous new saplings we planted last year, NEEDS to be accompanied by a lush, thicc, green lawn. Not this patchy, underwhelming mess of different grasses planted by previous owners, left to be scorched and burned up by the hot Kansas sun. I’ll admit, I had a rather HUGE, dying Oak tree removed that had provided just enough shade for the Kentucky bluegrass to survive, and then I didn’t water it enough. Sad panda. And a lesson learned...it’s easier to take care of what’s there than to have to start over.

I am admittedly a novice with lawn care, and really have only mowed and kept weeds under control over the last 4.5 years since I bought this nice little mid-century ranch. But no more shit grass. I’m tired of it...I’m over it. I want to get my yard to the beautiful consistency as *some* of my neighbors in my quiet little suburb. Of course neither of the houses on either side of me have great grass, but hey, at least they mow.

For the first time in my life, I decided to fake some confidence and take this project on. I mean, after watching 20 videos on YouTube, how hard could it really be? Right? 🤔 I know the spring isn’t the best season to do this, but I was determined. So I went out and purchased a highly rated electric dethatcher, a spreader, grass seed, fertilizer, and straw, then waited about 4 weeks when it FINALLY stopped raining so I could get this going. We borrowed my friends hand aerator, and this weekend we got after it. After hours of mowing and bagging, dethatching years worth of dead grass, bagging said thatch, punching holes in the ground with the hand aerator, developing blisters, cursing, and having to shrug off the 30th “what are you doing” from the neighbor kids, we finally got to put down the Tall Fescue seed. It was the first time I’ve ever used a spreader and got to watch as it slung blue-colored seedlings across my lawn, myself. I grew up watching my step dad do this for years, but he never really taught my step brother nor I how to do much yard work. He was too anal, and the “I have to do it myself” type - tendencies that as a now 30 year old, I am so desperately trying to unlearn. Then came fertilizer. That shit was DUSTY. Then two huge bags of straw to cover and protect what seed we could, of course it wasn’t nearly enough. Then another 100 footprints on freshly seeded ground and “what are you doing’s” from the neighbor kids. We were straight up bushed.

After all this hard work, this week Dan and I have been rewarded with: having to water 24/7. Another 500 “what are you doings” each day. Dealing with the neighbor’s animals relieving themselves and their kids stomping around on OUR FREAKING WEEKEND OF WORK bc their kids don’t listen to their parents or gentle requests from us. The neighbors are nice enough, but got damn if they aren’t getting on my last damn nerve. ‘Please keep your crotch goblins and diarrhea-blasting cats off my LAWN!’ I say, in my best, grumpy old man voice. 🤣 

This tall fescue is supposed to be very tolerant to the extreme climate here; but will it have a chance to germinate before my neighbors destroy it? Will I have the patience to let it grow before the existing and overwhelmingly, rapidly growing grass can be mowed? Will a ridiculous severe thunderstorm come thru out of nowhere and wash all my seed away?

Only the next few weeks will tell. I’m already planning to do this again in the fall. 🤞🏻