Album update/thoughts on recording and writing

I need to process my thoughts on music in order to figure out what I'm doing so I decided I could turn that into a bulletin because I like to hear what other people are working on, so why not.

I am about 75% of the way done with this album. I have to fight with myself over whether or not my music is worth recording, and I never really reach an answer. In the morning I will hate what I have made and think it's not nearly on the level it should be, and then in the evening I think it's the best thing I've ever made. I found that you really have to give whatever you create a lot of room to breathe and come back to it after not listening to it/looking at it for a long time. You can be too close to a project and think it sounds terrible, then someone else will listen to it and say it sounds fine (they aren't stressing over every detail like you are as the listener). At the same time, I think perfectionism in music is necessary up until a point, as it safeguards you from dealing with problems later in the process.

I would really like to have this album mixed and mastered by a professional, but it's difficult to afford so I might just have it mastered if I can even afford that. Having a listenable song is far more difficult than I used to think it was, in fact it seems like it gets more complicated and difficult with each new recording. I've recorded my own music since maybe 2006 and it strikes me as the most quantum double slit experiment mess you could ever work on. Your perception matters from the beginning of the project to the end, and even then it is still completely subjective to others depending on how they relate to music so there is really no answer to a good song beyond what we have trained/programmed ourselves to enjoy and what music cultures we participate in. In one way I feel that getting "better" at music is just the process of accepting yourself and capturing that more clearly or in a more honest way possibly.

The lyrics are another thing entirely, and on this recording they seem to be a mixture of pre-writing and lyrics happening in an improvisational manner that I have to write down. I think the best lyrics are the ones that just appear from nowhere as you're improv singing as they seem to be channeled and express themselves in some sort of alchemy of the notes/rhythm/patterns you've chosen, the time you're in, and I think in a medium/channeling sense of living or nonliving entities that choose to express themselves through you. I think even the environment and walls speak through you in a mutual synthesis of the relation between objects like these inanimate objects and your voice. I also have been receiving a lot of inspiration from wide band radio and the concept of voices traveling through air waves in the sky. I think there is something deeply magical and haunting about analog broadcasts. Analog to me is the material of this divine simulation (possibly simulated on a larger scale) while digital is our own reworking of the bigger analog into the smaller digital, it's our "as above, so below" microcosm of the macrocosm of energy that creates this reality.