Messed up

I’m so stupid sometimes I swear it’s going to get me killed. Alexis and I are no longer on a break, but while we were, I started talking to my friend’s best friend, his name is Jade. Well, at first we were just being friendly, saying things like “I like your pfp” etc. Well, not long after that, he asked me if I wanted to call because we were both doing homework. I’ve never seen him irl, he lives a state away from me. When we got on the call neither one of us had our camera on, and we were just talking about life in general. I started going on a rant about how attractive Joey Jordison and Trent Reznor were in the ‘90s, because they were hella hot, and I turned on the camera to show him who I was talking about because he didn’t know who either one of them were. Well, when I turned it back off he asked me if I would be cool with doing a normal video chat, with the camera facing me. I said sure, and it was awkward at first because I barely ever do that and I’m pretty self conscious about literally everything when it comes to my body. Moving on, he brought up some sexual topics, and I was feeling a little uncomfortable, but I would have felt worse if I didn’t just go along with it, so I did. Then he asked if I wanted to play truth or dare, and knowing damn well where this was going, I said sure. Up until a few hours before all of this, we were just acquaintances, occasionally sending each other memes. After a few truths, I decided to go with a dare and that’s when shit really hit the fan. He dared me to take off my shirt, and because I didn’t want to end the game, I did it. You can assume what happened from that point forward. Things like that continued for a little over a week. Through all of it, he would tell me things like “I love you,” “You’re so beautiful,” and “I could never leave you,”. He even went as far as to say that it would physically break his heart if we ever split. Apparently none of that was true, at fucking all, because two days ago, he said “I think a girl at my school likes me,” to which I responded “Nice,” because at this point I almost trust him. Well he went on to say that he didn’t know what to do, so I’m starting to pick up on what’s going on. I told him to do whatever he wanted. Then he gets all dramatic, and knowing I have a history of self harm, he has the nerve to assume I’d hurt myself over this. Then he’s saying we can still be friends, and that this hurts him a lot, and that he’s so sorry he hurt me, all he does is hurt people, things like that. I honestly think he was just trying to gain sympathy from me, but there is no way in hell he’s getting it. He got me to open up about my trauma, said he would help me heal, and then pulled this. I have terrible taste in men. And he said “I’ll come back for you when I move back to *State* as an adult”. Like, bitch I’m moving on! I’m not waiting for your ass. You hurt me and expect me to want you back?? No thank you. I told him I need time before talking to him again but I think I’m just going to ghost him. And right after he did all of this, he posted some pics with the caption “The world is merciless, and it’s also very beautiful”. I’m so done with him. I’ll be hurting for a while, but I have all of my friends to help with that. He used me. For what? Entertainment? To pass the time between his last relationship and the next one? I can see why all of those other girls left him. I feel bad for him because he doesn’t see what he needs to fix, but I won’t be the one to point it out to him. He needs to find it for himself. I just hope I’ll be forgetting all about him soon. You guys on here have really helped me. Thanks for that. I love all of you <3