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So this is why I never share my personal problems with you in my daily life and this is what is going on for me financially. No news on SSI. However I've to resend more paperwork off for more questions the government is asking. I probably won't have an answer till maybe July-August. My caseworker Erika that I work with said that I've a high chance of getting SSI but some of her clients had to re-appeal SSI three times before her clients got this I'm not kidding when I say this Erika said this is how the government plays with people and their game she says if you get approved first time that is very rare but most of her clients have to re-appeal three times. My dad still hasn't taken me to Workforce to find me an online job where I can do a warehouse inventory or do something with writing down numbers for item stocks on a database. This is something I can do. Anything English or anything grammatically incorrect is impossible. I want to work part time.
My dad was going to buy me an apartment.....but this is what happened....
I don't think you want to hear everyday that me and my dad are yet again arguing back and forth over stupid stuff such as, Can I've McDonald's? Or Taco Bell? I've to check my bank!!!! Can't talk normal and raises his voice at me and bites my head off. Blames me and doesn't want to hear the truth because he is so upset SSI is taking this long. I stated this to him a year and a half ago SSI takes months not a one month or two months. Yet this is my fault and I also had no idea Tri County can help with SSI benefits and can also butt in if Workforce denies helping you find an online job. Has signed me up to the Work Force but has not even bothered taking me there to find an online job. Which my dad thinks I can make $20-35 dollars an hour because I can type fast. Yeah moron you don't get paid on how fast you type. He has signed me up in April and hasn't even done anything about that. I can't do anything about this because he has to drive me over there. Wants me out of the house at the end of the year. Got really pissed off because he lost the apartments that I didn't want to go into. I refused because the apartments are non SSI/low income apartments. 1 bed/1 bath for $1000 a month all utilities are paid. No washer/dryer hookups. My dad has to take me to his house or my aunt's house to do laundry. I told him while I was looking at these three SSI/low income apartments I really really really wanted wouldn't accept me to move in if my dad paid for them. I've to have my SSI check first. But how the f'uck would I know this? There was nothing stated on their website that ''HEY'' you can't move in here unless you've your SSI check. So my dad is ultra stressed and pissed today he lost those non income apartments today and there is none ready to move in. Now he has to put me back on the waiting list and wait for those apartments to come back. Again. My life has always been ''you're a problem child'' and everything is your fault. Mad because I refused to use Head and Shoulders which is highly toxic for your hair and my son won't even use this. He thinks that shampoo is good for bug repellent and also good for dandruff/dry hair. No! I rather use a 90 percent plant delivered product by dove Men shampoo and conditioner than use that toxicity on my hair! I also can add Clove and Cedarwood oil as well at least this has benefits which I will list in this blog but I picked up their men's eucalyptus and birch oil shampoo and conditioner combo so how about a hard pass to putting so toxic like Head and Shoulders on my head and I would rather use this. I also rather just condition my hair with tea tree oil and hair spray than add something so toxic like Head and Shoulders I'm thinking about just adding clove oil to my conditioner so I won't over do the eucalyptus. I think Head and Shoulders is more toxic than Power Stick and Suave. I went to HEB for a pure peppermint oil shampoo all I saw was a $13 I can see why Peppermint extract is close to $8 but that's way to expensive unless I can find a good shampoo base for that because even if you get 1 oz for that price you only need 5 droplets because of the high concentration so if a bottle of shampoo last you for a month or a month in a half then that 1 oz will last you for awhile however you need 5 droplets for a 20 oz bottle and if you've a 13 oz bottle I would do about 3. But the key thing is always smell your shampoo because if you can potently smell the extract you use like strongly. Whelp you had added just enough and don't need more lol. Have not checked Target or Walmart yet. But I've to make due what budget I've and what I can get most out of my value. Me and my Dad always have to fight and argue. We can't even talk normal to each other. This is how me and my dad have always been him and I never got along. I have a lot of problems I can't cope with right now. I personally don't feel like anyone should know the stresses I deal with everyday and how my mental disorders affect me.
Reasons why I won't get the vaccine I really can’t wait for the high unfollow count like I honestly care. I will not get a vaccine and I don’t plan on getting one. I’m not gonna have Lady Luck and gamble on the extremely low allergic reaction cases. As my followers know I'm a highly frantic and paranoid person. I’ve lots of problems I’m struggling to cope with. This is my choice and my choice alone. Block me if you want. But the thing people need to understand is I take about three or sometimes four immune booster supplements so you really can’t say I don’t really care. I also only go out once a week if my family member needs something then I stay home. If nobody needs anything I stay in the house for two weeks to get my groceries. Go on! I know you people wanna block me! Do your worse! You should’ve never come here! When it’s my time. It’s my time to be deconstructed. That’s all I’ve to say. This is my battle and my battle alone. Benefits of Cedarwood oil
- Stimulates blood circulation in scalp
- Relieves fungal infections in scalp
- Promotes hair growth
- Combats oily hair
- Relieves dandruff
- Makes hair look and feel healthier
- Bug repellent
- Good for hair loss
However my dad has not found a job in over a year. Nobody won't hire him and most of all probably because he will be sixty this year. I just think he is just releasing his anger and negativity out at me because my dad is losing his mind. I also should state to and I feel so bad that I forgot to post this on my Alt Scene/Space hey account. My dad will not let me have friends over anymore or go visit with friends. Heck he won't even take me to concerts anymore. He told me my boyfriend should be kept private. He doesn't want to know who I'm dating or my friends anymore. He is done with me. I know some people can't handle being friends and being kept secret and hidden from life and hidden from my apartment. But do you blame him? I got his wife killed. That's wholesome punishment I deserve. I also plan to not let my friend or boyfriend see my aunt visit because then she will snitch on me. I should've stated this way beforehand but I just noticed....wait....I left that bit out on my accounts..
So some silly questions someone asked me....but back on a personal topic. I've had people tell me the reason why people don't talk to me online is because people are intimidated by my profile and how many blogs I post. Well is anyone making you read my profile in one sitting? No. Do I offer time for someone to read my profile? Yes. I never hounded anyone. I only asked for the person to let me know when the reader is done reading and that is all. My blogs are my blogs isn't that the point of blogs? Blogging because you got something to say in your mind that you want to get out? But nobody is making you read those in one sitting right? No? Then why complain? My blogs are just here for you to read when you're bored or you're off work or want something to read. I love how people say I'm the ''fault and reason'' why people don't want to talk to me. But that's how things are always for me. I was the problem child in the family and every personal problem was my fault and nobody else's but mine. I love the assumption people make about me. But more importantly just as funny and amusing on here can you believe someone blocked me on here because he said his job was making me feel like shit or something along those lines and I said as bad as a Taco Bell shit? I was just trying to be funny. Yet he blocked me. Get a life and get a grip man. Also yes Taco Bell gives me the shits if I've their chipotle sauce and I only get meat and cheese only at Taco Bell because one time heading to my sister to visit I didn't notice the Taco Bell my dad stopped at halfway got my order wrong because I was so starving I just so hungry I scarfed that down. Well when I got home to my sister's house I destroyed their bathroom. What a lovely way to visit, yes? I had to take anti shit meds for three days straight until the symptoms stopped. So now my sister's husband sings too much Taco Bell in a Danzig voice because that's who he likes even though I think his music sounds like utter shit and I rather him play Ghost. But you're going to block me over a silly fucking comment to make you laugh? Yeah fuck you. You little shit no pun intended. Lighten up angel food cake darling.
This blog will be about. What people think of me. What the hell keeps going on in my life. Random rants and bull shit I want to get off my mind or my bestial core. Random trivia facts about me. Random video game facts about me. After this I think I exhausted everything that sums me up really.
One of my friends on Instagram messaged me this question and this will spiral into the rant I want to get off my chest.
Would you rather be rich or meet your companion? Well the ideal analytical view is. Nobody can't make your companion appear unrealistic and not logical. But the other question is well if you're a logical and analytical person then why do you not work in person or drive if you know that is a realistic way of how you think etc. Well the question is I'm highly aware of my problems. I'm very highly aware of how I behave, an act that is not suited for a job and is pointless. Same with the fear of driving and the high paranoia fear of guilt and regret if I get in a car wreck because I'm highly paranoid and freaking out which brings me to a bitter note rant. I told my dad I will not let my aunt proofread my stuff again. You know what she made me put and I had no choice? She made me put I've Autism, I get upset easily and angry easily. She wouldn't let me put this or let this go. I've Autism and my Autism affects me because of my body language and emotional understanding and boundaries of a person and when I get upset and angry easily I walk out and need 30 minutes to cool off. She said I can't post that because SSI is going to assign me a therapist and I sound crazy. No I don't sound crazy or need a therapist after saying that thinking that in my head, Maybe if I put my Autism affects me in a way I've uncontrollable anger and I outburst when upset then yeah maybe the SSI medical team would send me off to a Therapist. So I probably and most likely going to get denied. Unless somehow my paperwork magically saves me and she is not lying that she mailed off extra paperwork like more medical history work and my behavior was so bad in high school I got evaluated there and found out I had Autism and not ADHD. So I'm probably fucked now. But there was nothing I could do. She also pissed me off by saying you're not going to get SSI. My friend didn't 10 years ago and you wouldn't either. She also didn't want to listen because my caseworker told me you've to be very lucky to get SSI on your first try you've to apply two or three times before you get SSI. She just smiled at me when I said that and had a facial expression of yeah whatever. But back on the subject my dad is forcing me to go to the apartments I don't want to. He wants to pay over 500-600 dollars for equipment to have my own portable washer and dryer. Because he wants me out of the house so bad. But what am I not happy about is what if my apartment is next to his? He wants to move in that apartment because they pay for all utilities, just not cable. That means I can't meet anyone in person because then my dad is going to find out and know. Just great. My life is getting more fucked by the second. I just hope and pray upon Loki and the Abyss my apartment number is away from my dads and not underneath or top of his. But I already told my dad and I'm getting off topic. I'm not letting Bonnie proofread my SSI papers anymore if I get denied first time and he goes that's fine we will worry about that when the time comes and he also just looked at me when I told him when my year lease is up I'm moving to an apartment that I want to move in and get into a two bedroom apartment because my son needs his own place and not sleeping on the couch and my dad just looks at me like why? Why do you hate the apartments I'm getting you into. I'm just thinking to myself because I want a two bedroom apartment. What I should really tell him is I guess I'll put my bed in the living room then and Hunter can have his own bed in his room. But that would piss him off so much and make him call me a smart ass. But it is what it is I also want to tell my dad I don't want any new furniture in my house but a T.V. stand until I can get in a two bedroom apartment when my son is older and he needs his own space. Which reminds me of the last post? Did my dad ever take me to the Workforce? Well come to find out the place is still closed because of virus but I had no idea like zero until my aunt told me and also I still till this day I don't think I ever told anyone online my aunt not the one where her teeth fell out by my other aunts (my dad has three sisters and his brother is somewhere in the woods) back on subject my aunt and my sister don't think I've Autism because I don't slur or growl like an Autistic person. They believe you've to show all the signs of a mental disorder or you don't have it. I know, right? Talk about retarded. It's been researched that each mental disorder has a stage. Mild. Medium and Severe. I'm borderline Autistic or doctors like to call me borderline intellectual disability disorder because I guess doctors can't call people borderline mentally retarded anymore? According to what my paperwork sounded like. Suffering from body language understanding. Not being able to make eye contact. Emotional understanding and getting frustrated at these barriers. I don't like skin tightness in clothes etc and I don't like the certain feel of certain types of fabrics. But by this point. Can you see why I don't talk to anyone about my personal problems. I just vent in blogs. Many people think you should just tell people step by step about you. No, that's now how my brain functions. I'm not going to retype something over and over and over again and more importantly. There is a 2,500 text limit on most social media platforms. I think having something already typed out and ready to go for the person to read is perfect and simple and straight to the point if you feel intimidated by my profile that's fine but don't just complain about that on a text message because I'll just block you.
What people think of me online and in person. Why I don't want more kids.
I am willing to adopt someone around my son's age. But my son thought about having a brother around his age as an adoption and changed his mind to no. My dad and I were going to adopt someone when he asked this a year and a half or two ago but my young prince changed his mind. He didn't give a reason he just said I don't want to have a brother right now. My son is very enclosed with his feelings and he doesn't like to be asked how he is doing or he doesn't like to be pressured to ask personal questions and gets frustrated. I did some more research on his Chinese Zodiac. Apparently this is one of the key traits of Metal Rabbit.
Why no longer I take selfies. People say I'm the ugliest person he ever saw. I finally know why guys say I'm pretty or beautiful because they want to feel sorry for me. I notice now what my blind wolf eyes that have failed me to see. Men only want a woman that has zero flaws on their body also that looks like a Only Fans girl or highly beautiful. Once I tell people I'm bow legged and my dad won't pay for my dental insurance and will not pay to get my one rotten tooth fixed by a sedative doctor I get blocked most of the time. But people need to be noticed. I failed hyenine at school because I was bullied to death because I look like a horse and a rat. People can say mental torture isn't bullying but it is if you were bullied all the way when you arrived at school and the dismissal bell and you got bullied so bad you couldn't finish school even I had to leave and I never finished my final grade. However my dad has a huge issue with my doctor that did the C-section on me with my son. He told me I could no longer do homebound learning schooling and I must return to school. I had to go back after my C-section which was a week of homebound rest. I was paralyzed from the waist and down. I couldn't go to the shower or bathroom without being lifted. I also had 30 days of CPS. Because I was screaming and yelling at the doctor violently and kicking my feet around. They also didn't do anything about the screaming match between my family and my son's dad's side of family because of the last name. The screaming match went on for hours until the management came in and separated us. He has both last names. I couldn't take it anymore. I got the nurse mad at me because I'm vomiting in a bag trying to eat and she is freaking out. I got my family screaming at me because I had a few hundred dollar internet charge on my phone because MY SISTER DIDN'T TELL ME I DIDN'T HAVE UNLIMITED INTERNET AND I wasn't allowed to have a cellphone till I was 18 and I can tell you right now that won't happen with my son and he is getting one when he is 13. So between that I was pretty much fucking done. Also the doctor gave me too much sedative liquid and went through the baby and the doctors had to monitor my son's breathing and I didn't see him for 7 hours. After that I just went insane but do you blame me? I also had to have a blood transfusion too. I will not have ANOTHER kid after this what happened my doctor also told me having another kid by C-section could be dangerous. I was paralyzed for four months. I didn't go to the doctor because there is nothing they could do and I knew this without going back. But I can see myself in a wheelchair at school. Look at a rat in her wheelchair. Horse legs in a wheelchair. I wasn't dealing with anymore mental torture. Bullying is a form of mental torture. People commit suicide over this. If you don't want to believe this is a sign of mental torture then fuck you. I believe this was at St. Luke's hospital. You're like you don't know what hospital your son was born in? 'm just saying I know I didn't go to Memorial Hermann hospital. However each St Luke hospital is probably different in any country/state. My dad has told me a year ago or so HE still has issues with my doctor. But the thing people need to notice is. I should feel blessed by the Moon. My son is a normal functioning kid. He doesn't show any signs of mental disorders or bow legs and he is just a normal boy. Any parent should be blessed by the moon over that. Also I was told that the contents I've only have a 25 percent rate of transferring to the baby. He is a normal kid. I should be thankful. Which I think many people take little/zero attention for being thankful/grateful for a mooned blessing.
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