Madam Whiskers's profile picture

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talking abt my identity!

bc its complex and i like explaining

so, first, sexuality: im the aromantic spectrum since im demiromantic and lithromantic (being lithro means my crushes fade when reciprocated) but lately ive been learning to be comfortable with calling myself aro, since i technically am

i would also be asexual (or acespec) but heres the thing: my sexual attraction doesnt really matter to me. sure I would be ace since i dont feel sexual attraction to anyone, but to me, being ace doesnt really hold any meaning, idk how to explain it

sooooo i dont use the Split Attraction Model (in case u dont know, the SAM is the model that believes people can be sexually attracted to one gender, and romantically attracted to other. pretty sure it started bc of aro and ace people experiences)

i also identify as bi! i would say biromantic but i dont like it, and bisexual would make people think im allosexual wich. im not. so i just go with bi

for some time i didnt want to use labels such as lesbian, bi, pan, etc bc i felt like my lithromanticism would make it impossible for me to date anyway, so why bother?

but i know some lithro people that found ways to have partners and feel comfortable with them! i also know lithro people who still use other labels bc they value the attraction they feel to a certain gender, even if they know theyre too arospec to date. sooo i decided to go by bi, bc it made me happy and i liked to acknowledge i am attracted to any gender (would that be pan? yeah. have i identified as pan before? yup. does the distinction matter to me and my experience? nah)

now...gender. this one is a little harder

my gender journey has been long and confusing for both me and people around me (just 2 days ago a classmate asked me my pronouns bc he saw how they were he/him on discord for a long while, and wanted to make sure)

right now tho? i identify as a girl. a cis one even. and thats ok i feel happy with it

but my gender has the bad habit of changing all of sudden, so theres that.

lm definitely genderfluid, but i dont like using that label bc it makes me feel like people arent going to take me seriously when i tell them my gender...jk? like, if i told someone im a girl and genderfluid, they might not completely see me as a girl. bc of rhe genderfluid part. and same if i identified as a boy, or any nonbinary identity. why would it matter if my gender is gonna change, anyway?

its constant self doubt, never feeling comfortable enough neither in cis or trans spaces, being afraid of my gender might change in the middle of my transition...its. its tough. i dont fully accept it yet. so thats why ill probably call myself cis most of the time

and that's all! this might look pointless from an outsider point of view, but its not only good to me to put some of my feelings down into words, but i also think its important to share my experience as someone with lesser known identities. 
ive seen plenty of people say my labels arent real or neccesary, and i think its easier to understand them when u dont read the google definition of them, but when an actual person tells u why they identify that way, shares their struggles and the journey they went through to identify that way
i might do another entry talking abt my experience with being lithromantic, since its one that affected me a lot during my life!

anyway, thanks for reading :)

-Madam Whiskers

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diogenes's profile picture

i stan people our age doing self discovery. personally spent a lot of time trying to work on myself and learn shit, and im happy to see others are thinking about this heavy stuff too! hard world to live in alone and all that shiz… anyhow madame, hope your day is well!

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oh yeah, its really heavy stuff! i remember the kind of identity crisis i had when i was 12, im kinda proud of how far ive come since then :] ik a lot of teens are still struggling with this, so its refreshing to see other people who kind of have an idea of who they are!

have a great day too, sir Diogenes :))

by Madam Whiskers; ; Report