Madam Whiskers talks abt stuff #1 'Thinking abt my future'

so,

i was talking with my dad and he told me how i have the potential to see the whole world, and that i shouldnt stop at moving to the us (wich is my current plan)

and, i mean, i think im smart enough, and maybe if i start gaining dollars when i move, i can save money and travel but...that made me realize i dont know where id like to go

like after moving to the us and meeting Dogwood and getting platonically married and adopting 2 rats, i...i dont know what id likw to do. i dont know if id like something else. i think id be satisfied with that domestic life with one of the persons i love the most

but...what if that isnt possible. ofc its sad to think abt that but, what if we drift apart or what if when i move to the us they decide not to move in with me like we're planning to do. what if anything happens and i cant reach that domestic, happy ending?

i...have other options, sure. but that looked like the most...realistic one? or maybe i was looking at the whole thing through heart lenses

im kinda angry at myself for letting my future depend on someone else, someone that might step outside of my life and never come back. im angry that i lost control on something so essential like where do i want to live, bc i was in love. i still am. and it angers me

im gonna keep going normally. ill finish school, ill study to be a translator (hopefully id like to be trilingual!) and keep talking with Dogwood, doing my best always to keep our friendship going. But behind all that theres...so many thoughts. Dogwood doesnt know my future depends on if they keep liking me in a few years, my friends dont know that our idea of moving together somewhere in Europe is actually my second option, and most people dont know that what actually motivates me isnt the hunger for seeing the world, but the simple yearning of a life with someone i love

man

so many fucking thoughts going on rn...