My Grandpa's Splashface Updates - Gibby Gibson

My grandpa has been playing poker with a bunch of Korean War vets lately and they've been teasing him because he doesn't have a SplashFace profile page. I highly doubt that a bunch of 80-year-old dudes are on the internet at all, but that's what he keeps saying. Now he's bugging me to help him, as he says, "get on the interworld." Ugh. He doesn't even own a computer so he just mailed me his status updates for the next 10 days and told me to do it for him. I told him I would, but now I really don't want to. And after you read them, you will understand why. My Grandpa's SplashFace Updates: I got 2 grandkids. One's name is Gibby and the other's is Guppy. I just don't know which is which. In my day, we didn't have zippers on our pants. What, are you too good to button your own trousers? What the heck is a Lady Gaga? Enough of these pear phones. I just want a gosh darn phone that's connected to the wall. Picked up my grandkids from school. I think that Miss Briggs lady has a crush on me. It's 7:05. Where is my dang tapioca pudding?? Real men don't use moisturizer. Me and the misses are at a sushi restaurant. What is this junk? They don't even cook it. They took away my driver's license, but they didn't take my car. Car still works without that silly piece of plastic. Underpants have changed too much in the last 30 years -- that's why I stopped wearing them.