So....perhaps this is certain

I'll take my dark raven's crest with me held by the beast heart. I ran and howled the prototype of the blood river and the howling night. The beast is filled with memories of the past. O destructive child is this your resolve? I've a seat for you in Hell and I will make you my pupil and I'll breathe life into you once more. This is our oath. This is our oath to become my pupil and the way of the demonius. I've made you live life once more. Even if you leave your seat from Hell dear child and wonder off at the high clock tower in Hell I'll always leave this one throne for you so you can rest and rest here in Hell. The King's Guard will be waiting with the Queen's Guard's rest and the resting beast with the fallen beast magi cards gripped tightly in the silky paws. Rest for eternal. This is your second life anyways my child.  Even if such the wondering of Hell I want to take my studies and knowledge everywhere. The crave for desire of knowledge and the festering of madness inside. I desire more. I cannot let this pride/ego/greed and feeling envious towards others go and escape my own sensors. This consuming thought dwells and festers within myself. Even so holding a book towards the northern gates of Hell thinking and sitting down thinking what if? What could've I done? What if this is certain? Perhaps this is certain? All these thoughts I really couldn't contain myself. Back then wild and rampant destroying everything around me so I could feel alive but in the end I decided to self suicide myself and reborn myself under a demon's grasp the King of Kings of many wives and children. These memories of you....ah the way I held my sword across you my eyes leading with fury and and fire. The beast blood couldn't be contained and even such with swirling madness. I thought I had myself under control that day but the beast arose upon myself the beast blood became uncontrolled and unstable everything must be destroyed and burned. Ah I remember then the river smelt like blood and the moon was nowhere to be seen because this was a new beginning of myself where I died and met the King of Kings. The shadows and the trees swayed the winds became jealous because I was jealous of my own pride and greed and ego and envious of others. I was jealous because I wanted to be free. I wanted to be free of my will of reality the grasping nightmares of reality. I wanted to be free from prison. I wanted to run free of this prototype shell. I wanted to cut the wires off from reality itself. But then the magi side of me is what got cut off by my ignorance. Before I met my static husband there I stood at the Hell's gate. Mr Bulba appeared to me with long horns and his King's robe his eyes swirled with silver and muted blue he had long claws from what I could remember then. I don't remember much back then but the claws against my back marking the sigil of Mr. Bulba and the maiden of Black Water. Where those that sin will drown and those that are unpure deserve utter annihilation like myself. Self liberation of oneself. I wonder then Mr Bulba what do you think of me now? I want to be asleep resting at the Queen's Guard the space in Hell you left me for eternal rest. Will Bel Bel the King of Spiders watch over me? That layered black hair with two medium size horns and dark colored slits and a tattered layered outlook of clothing with long claws and the cleaver of life and death watch over me? Could Bel Bel watch over life and death for me? Could he make sure the beast magi cards never fall out? I really wish I could sleep free from toxicity. Because sometimes the souls of the damned of Black Water are swirled within my head but they deserved their cause the unpure killed and saw my mother dead. I'm left with swirling madness and anger and disbelief of a failure of reality and a family. I've nothing left now Mr Bulba to seek out Uphi or Uphir do you think that Uphi will see me as a good student pupil Mr Bulba or Bel Bel? I wonder if I could teach bio because I love bio because how much I failed at reality and I want to make bio plants show their petals and life when I  couldn't do that myself. I really do wish upon the darkest hour of the high tower in Hell that Uphi can grant me the ability to see more unto the unknown. He can clear out my toxic body that seems like that can no longer filter out anymore the toxic the insanity the nightmares that are slipping through me inside and becoming a rampant tide of the storm just like when the Black Water happened. I really wonder if Uphi or Uphir can see me as a good pupil? Could I teach chemistry and magi arts to the other demonius there? I really want to do something with this knowledge to filter myself out. If Uphi or Uphir can guide me to the right path then I....

Mr. Bulba

Bel Bel

Uphi (Uphir)

O he of man. The beast and the sigils. Guide me because I can't guide my own self. Take me under the demonius and cloak me in Hellion's Pain. I want to see. I want to become. I want to become your pupils and find myself self liberated and reborn again and alive.

Jupiter. Saturn. Neptune. Uranus

 

Did I choose to not listen to the angels anymore? Did I choose not to listen to the seraphs anymore? Or do I just want to see the sun one more time with you? O momma why won't you come back to me? If I could see the sun one more time could that be with you? O momma please reborn me into a new Yggdrasil Tree.   

 

Tell me about dream city. Tell me where do these dreams go and the forgotten dreams I can’t seem to remember of you? Tell me will these shine a prismatic translucent veil or would this be a prismatic version of a nightmare? Would I love to see the sun with you? But what if I couldn’t? What if I couldn’t see beyond the veil anymore and I’m clouded by my nightmares? Tell me will this dream city await for someone like me? Tell me will dream city await someone that’s beyond the clouds with themselves? Will this dream city accept the one that forgotten themselves and the dream completely and lived a fabricated life? This life of the veil that won’t come off the beast mask and no matter how many times I pull and tug with my midnight wolf paws the mask is completely stuck. Have I already arrived at dream city but I can’t see? Because I can’t see myself? Or perhaps this fabrication is myself? Or perhaps this is the lost identity I created myself? Or perhaps the veil is over my beast mask but I’m so used to this and wanting to be the sun and meet you at dream city but I know I’ve ended and so I’ve ended the path of solitude. Here I sit with a shot glass of whisky or brandy thinking the thoughts of you but more or so the colorful blossoms of dream city where everything is still and cold and just as cold as the way I’m and the way my colors paint many colors and many personalities on my mask. For this is my prismatic nightmare.