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i am planning on having these diary entries every once in a while :]
i hope itll be interesting to read the life of a stranger in depth.
these few days have been going so well for me .. it seems ive finally made it out of my depression slump, and im so happy about it! i do hope its not just me in a manic episode again without me noticing it. oh well.
school has been so busy lately!! which makes sense seeing as ill be done with school in a few weeks. like, forever. kinda crazy to think about.
ive been swamped with assignments and exams and its kind of a lot rn!! but for some reason ive been able to focus and study so i dont mind?
ive been able to indulge back into my hobbies, like editing, photography, drawing, writing and reading! also being online and talking about myself, like writing this blog. though i need to stop reading books i like because i already have a mountain of books i need to read for school!
there is this cute boy at school. weve been lowkey flirting for a bit now but we cant take it that far because his best friend is my ex, and it ended pretty badly with my ex so.. tough life.
i have been ghosting my friends at school for like, two months now. blocked them on whatsapp and all that.. i have been hanging back in the cafetaria lately and they were all very happy to see me? which is a shock seeing as how i only know them for like. a few months, but they cared enough to keep asking about me and keep wanting to have me around.
i experienced some funny moments at school today. or, not really funny, but more.. entertaining. something that i would forget about if i didnt write about it, but something that could be a fond memory, you know?
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i wandered around with this friend at school for half an hour instead of going to class because we were bored. it was.. an experience. we walked slower than slugs, and inspected every boring little thing because we were so goddamn bored. we have noticed a lot of new stuff, like new posters and broken trashcans.
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we then took the elevator, even though the school only has two floors, and even though we students arent allowed to take the elevator. we went up and down, up and down, lifelessly clicking on the buttons and hiding from teachers.
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then, during lunch break, i went out to smoke with two friends i ghosted. i didnt want my fingers to smell like cigarettes, so they let me puff from theirs. my friend called me a wet smoker! i was angry but god i really was a wet smoker .. i keep licking my lips because i am a firm anti-lipbalm user, so the filter got all wet. oops..
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later on the day, when i got out of the toilet, i saw these two girls standing and talking. i could see something was wrong. i know the girls, theyre friends of friends, but not enough to have a conversation with them, you know? they opened the faucet for me because my hands were wet, that was nice.
when i was done, i opened the bathroom door, and another guy was in the act of opening the door too from the other side. i knew this guy as well, a friend of a friend, but we talk often, so its good.
well, we dont really talk. its just me making fun of him and he smirking at me. nonverbal communication. for some reason it works.
anyways, i see the guy, i go "wow. hey.", and he just smiles at me. i didnt expect an answer, anyway. i hear the girls talk about another girl whos mad the one of the two girls (confusing, i know!). the guy just went into the bathroom (its a gender neutral toilet) and it seemed like they were in a rush. it was an interesting picture.
the dude: "she doesnt want to talk to me. she just walked past by me."
girl 1: "ugh. it was a year ago. i dont know why she gets so mad at a mistake i made."
tension is rising!
i get out of the bathroom with them, and they run to a group of friends. the girl that the guy was ignoring was walking there too, coincidentally, and he called for her, but she ignored him. now it was getting interesting..
i arrive to the friend group and shake the shoulders of a friend asking for her to enlighten me on the drama. she was hesitant, up until we and the whole group walked out of the school and she pulled me aside to tell me.
"apparently, girl 1 sent butt pics to the guy a year ago, and the girl is angry."
ouh! the girl that got jealous, is the ex of the guy! though they broke up three years ago, so i dont get all the fuss.
okay, sorry for ranting so much about this. can you tell how much i love drama?
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talking about drama, there is also drama going on with me and my ex..
my ex and i broke up a few months ago, and i was his first partner. for someone who didnt know how to kiss and has never touched a woman in his life, he sure was eager to learn. it was cute, of course, and i gave him my fair share of fake moans, but in summary, he was a virgin through and through.
so we break up with a fight, we dont talk, and a month later, he boasts about his friends that he isnt a virgin anymore. for someone who acted really dramatic during and after the breakup, who didnt actually want to breakup with me (i broke up with him), he sure did move on quickly.
but then again.. what am i doing? getting jealous over the sexual life of my ex? i am letting him be, for i do not care. maybe he did it to forget, maybe he didnt. doesnt matter.
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i really want to get laid. and i mean, really really want to get laid.
i want to at least have had sex ONCE before finishing high school, is that too much to ask?
i am considering selling my body for money. i am sure there are enough guys whod give me ten dollars if id let them fuck me. problem is, where would i find these people?
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okay, that is all for today. if youre still reading this, hey, hope you enjoyed it.
Comments
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saturnstellar✧˖*°࿐
You're finishing highschool? What are the plans after going out? No pressure.
I understand the feeling of wanting to get laid, but life even if it's short it's pretty long... As ironic as it sounds.
yes i am! im planning to study english at uni to become a teacher! i am looking forward to it. are you studying something right now too?
and well ill just trust your word.. time seems to be fleeting ever since i just turned 18, and i feel like if i dont do stuff now i will never be able to do it. though rationally i know thats just bs lol. oh well
by Lae !!!!; ; Report
I'm currently taking a break from college, but I am studying Psychology :)
by saturnstellar✧˖*°࿐; ; Report