upcoming battle

Me and my older brother were both victims of childhood abuse with severe trauma. 

By my father we suffered: Emotional, mentally, psychologically, physically and sexually forms of abuse our entire childhoods with him, my mother was in her own way abusive mentally just very neglectful and portrayed to not know it was happening, Because of the abuse me and my brother suffered me and my brother never had the standard beautiful brother/sister relationship instead our relationship was always one where we felt we needed to fight for my fathers affection. Then when I was 17 I forced my mother to leave with me I told her that if she didn't come with me I would go and live on the streets she agreed and while my father was at work we packed up what we could and left we tried begged for my brother to join us but he wouldn't he claimed he wanted to stay because he wanted to finish his apprentiship and felt he had to stay there to do it, which I never did understand. After that me and my mother spent a week or more in a trailer park before my grandparents sent us plane tickets to come and relocate to the state from which they were in. So we did, life was boring but better than it was that's for sure! However that changed as my mother met a man whom she fell inlove with and I knew instantly was not a good person I can just tell by peoples vibes and I knew, he also was verbally/mentally/emotionally abusive towards me and my mother and everytime me and him would argue she would ALWAYS choose his side and then expect me to apologise to him and then would blame me for being the reason he would take off even though he always ended up coming back in the end. After a while I grew sick and tired of it all, And I knew i needed to get out of there I lied and said that I was just going for a holiday to see my bestie when in reality i didnt ever expect to come back....

So I went back to where I was originally except at that point I was staying with my ex best friend until she kicked me out because she claimed I was too depressed and was making up all these lies about me to my aunty which was disgusting so basically I moved in with my aunt and uncle I wasn't there a week and then disaster struck like a knife right through my very soul, my brother had taken his life and hung himself he had sent out a text message to a select few people blaming my father and also saying that I played my part to this day I will never know what he meant by that and that scares me, I left so much unresolved with him, I was still a kid when I left and then coming back was into my early twenties I wanted to start an adult relationship with him I never got a chance because I had never found him, in the end he had extreme PTSD and had constant flashbacks which overwhelmed him so much that it was his only way he could free himself I went through a long long long time of grieving for him I still in a way every day do, but after the initial process had ended I knew what I had to do, I needed to go to the police It was too late for my brother but I wasn't going to allow my father to get away with this anymore so I started doing my statements and its been 7 years now, and in 1 week I am officially going for the first court case against him I am petrified this has been a very long road for me and has been the biggest struggle I have gone through im very anxious and I feel like I needed to get this out there to show you all that its never too late to speak up and that if you need someone to talk to you can come to me I don't judge i am actually a professional counsellor now, which has been something I have wanted to do for a long time as well and recently have graduated my diploma :)