sneak peak: thoughts 💭

splitting, anger, sadness, (god complex???) anger again, sadness again, entirely numb, no feelings,  am i still in love with him?, or am i just accepting the fact that he wont change?, hes not in love with me, i didnt have a breakdown but just went completely numb, but yet im still angry?, hes still lying to me?, who am i?, ive never actually had a personality, ive always been an outcast, the only time i had a personality was when i was smoking weed and doing drugs, whats wrong with me?, who the fuck am i?, what the fuck am i supposed to be doing with this shitty life ive been dealt?, is love even real?, i dont think i will ever love anyone else again, at least if thats what love is, maybe i am the shitty person, maybe i just dont know how to love?, love isnt real, nothing is real. how does a normal persons brain function?, am i normal, am i faking this? am i just exaggerating everything and its not actually real?, what the fuck is going on in my head?, why am i so angry all the time? why am i so sad all the time? is happiness even real? was i ever ACTUALLY happy? or is my personality just a whole trauma response since the ripe age of birth? why the fuck would my parents do this to me? its like they destined me to be a mentally ill fuck up who just wants to die everyday.