blog one: lily and james

hey guys! im trying this out idk how this will go but blogs seem pretty cool so why not? anyways this is my first blog and literally no ones gonna see this because i dont plan on telling any of my friends about this so i can share my feelings freely i guess? idk might tell my bestfriend, so they can read it. blogs seem super cool, especially because i can make them anonymous and no one will know its me talking in these. anyways, onto the real world events in my life that i started this blog for. theres this guy that i kinda like, we'll call him james. james happenes to be one of my closer friends exs, but hear me out. they dated in 2019 and it was only for a few months. the way she talks about him makes me wonder what their relationship was like. she described it as "chill" and left it at that. i can assume what chill means in genera, but being in a chill relationship doesnt really give me a good idea at what it was acually like. i dont know if it was one of those friendships that turned into dating, that really didnt have a change in dynamic because they were friends before, or if it was one of those "i would die for you and we will never break up" kind of relationships. for context reasons, this friend (who we'll call lily) was in 9th grade when they dated (james is a year younger than her so he was in 8th). now lily is in 11th, james is in 10th, and im in 9th. now before anyone jumps on me im fully aware that stable and good relationships can be created at that age. ive seen it myself, 2 of my other friends have been dating for almost 9 months.however i feel like it wasent really that stable because of the way that she talkes about him. it seems like almost 3 years later, she still has feelings for him. even when i talked to her over the summer (before i knew who her ex was) she talked about him in a "this reminds me of him i miss him so much" which also makes me wonder if shes been holding onto these feelings for 3 years. and if so, why hasent she acted on it? it seems like she genunly cares about him so why didnt she act on it sooner? will she ever? has she ince they broke up? i also know that he broke up with her, and when she asked about it, he said he lost feelings. the problem i have with that is that lily outwardly asked him if he lost feelings. he just said yes, which makes me beleve that he didnt really have a reason to break up with her, or that he didnt want to tell her why. which also makes me wonder if there was another reason, but anyways ive been snapping him for the last few days and weve talked sm that hes already 1 on my bsf list and im first on his. thats annother thing taht i feel like was weird about their relationship; lily gave me james's snap. like i didnt ask for it or anything. she was js like "here: take his snap, dont cockblock me (oops)." somthing else to note about me and lilys dynamic is that lily is 2 years older than me and we met while working over the summer. we became friends, and we happened to go to the same school. i see her in the hallways but we mostly talk in the bathrooms, because we both usually take 20 min 'bathroom breaks' and we js talk in there. ive also become friends with a lot of lilys other friends that also hangout in the bathrooms durring class. the bathroom holds lots of secrets and thats also how i found out james was lilys ex. me, lily, and few others were hanging out in the bathroom durring lunch and we were all talking, then lily mentions her ex getting instagram. i was like "oh lemme see" cus yk i wanna know who the ex shes been talking about all summer was. the instagram page was james' acc i actually had to stalk james for a little while because i didnt actaully know who he was. i ahd first seen him on the bus and thought he was cute. all i knew about him was that he went to my school and his hockey number for the schools team (he had a school hockey backpack with his # on it). after stalking through all the photography pages (because when they took sports pictures they tagged their socials) i talked to my friend who knew the manager of the hockey team, she was able to tell me his name and i looked through all socials and couldnt find him. then lily showed me his insta. and i had forgoten that she was his ex and was like " oh ive been looking for that kid for months hes so cute 😭" anyways. yeah. its 2 am (i took phone breaks) ill update yall with more tmro :) byee.