He's Sick, And I'm Stuck Here

I've known him since I was 14, when I was 19 we got hitched. And he was getting really sick. He used to space out, and then it progressed to he'd space out and shiver. One day he had a siezure that lasted like all day and he was slurring. Turns out he had a stroke. Even more, he had epilepsy, or so the doctors thought. He had a giant cyst in his head, an arachnoid cyst. After almost dying due to all of the complucations of it continuing to grow and worsening siezures and behavioral issues a doctor took a chance on him, and removed it. But his brain is covered in leisions. They diagnosed him with Multiple Sclerosis a little later down the line.

Eventually he started getting lower abdominal pain, near the spleen. The doctors kept saying nothing was there, but we both saw and felt a mass. Now its huge, now its diagnosed it's cancer, and his whole body is filled with them. They think its a blood cancer, and they think it's leukemia. He's lost almost 80lbs in 9m and he was already a small human "oh but according to the BMI you're still overweight so it's fine" When I sent him away he went back to California, where he still is. And here I am, in Bend, and he's getting sicker, and sicker, and fading away, at 23, and I can't save him, I can't see him, it's like watching a fireplace's fire spread into the livingroom of a locked home, the love of your life is trapped inside, you're pounding on the window and screaming as the firefighters pull you away. The window stings but you keep fighting, you can feel the heat and all you can do is scream as you watch them be cooked alive inside.

Yea, that's exactly how it feels.

But, I guess I just have to keep on keeping on. I'm 21 and I don't want to be a widower now or ever.

Hold the ones you love close, because the end will always be closer than you think.