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I hate it. I hate it so fucking much. There’s no reason for me to even be in it anymore. No one will be waiting for me to return to it so why bother? It isn’t home, it hasn’t been home for the past ten days and the people in it certainly make it feel like a dump.
I went swimming today and I had a moment of just feeling better. I did get nervous at the end but I still felt better. Unfortunately when returning to the house I didn’t feel like I was going home after a lovely evening but just felt like I was going to a house. It was disgusting.
This house is disgusting. I’ve lived with two very dysfunctional adults all my life and they can’t seem to keep a routine without starting WWIII. They’re both very disgusting people. Attempting to organise or clean anything is absolutely pointless because one will mess it up within an hour and then both will completely meltdown over the fact that I did some cleaning without their permission on what I was doing and that I did it completely wrong.
There’s also a complete stranger who’s been here a few months. I hate him, his behaviour is disgusting and the one who decided to bring him here certainly didn’t ask the household if they were ok with suddenly caring for this complete stranger who frequently threatens to murder animals for simply being in his presence. Might not be his fault cause mentally he’s going to complete shit but an ugly personality makes me say as far away as possible.
I keep smashing my phone against my head. I don’t know where this habit came from but it’s a thing now. Frustration? Boom, phone against the head. I think I’m gonna end up leaving the house more often because here? I don’t belong here anymore and it better stop fucking auto correcting everything I stop or I’ll do worse than smash it. And it doesn’t feel like home anymore so what’s the point? I’m gonna start disappearing more now.
Not like it’s any of their business. I’m 22+1.
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Carson Catastrophe
omg, dude im so sorry if u wanna talk we can
maybe try looking for an apartment if you can afford it?
Now lockdown is lifting I’m gonna start seeing if I can look into one. I don’t actually need to start renting one because I’m considered vulnerable.
Looking back on this post I was just very very angry when I wrote it and now it just looks kinda embarrassing now I calmed down.
by Negan Mactavish; ; Report