When will it change?

Have you ever thought about why you ended up being like this?

To be honest, I don't really know who I am or what I want to do with myself and I would think that's normal since I am just 20 years old, but then I see my classmates and other people and I just want to disappear. How can they know exactly what they wanna be when I can barely tell how my personality really is? How can they already have their future planned when I'm just here trying to find a single reason to wake up?

I'm so tired of living for everyone else but me, of faking smiles and acting like everything is fine when I don't even know what "being fine" means, of trying to hide my feelings and then having a mental breakdown every single day.