My Mom is Out of the House! - Freddie Benson

Hey, Freddie here. I only have a few minutes to write this, so I'll make it quick! My mom hardly EVER leaves me alone at the house. But today, she went to this antibacterial conference where she's gonna be speaking about de-germifying the nation. Since I never get time alone, I thought I'd do ALL the stuff I'm not allowed to do when my mom's in the house. So... here I go... I'm gettin' wild and crazy. This is what I'm gonna do in the next 2 hours: Call a long-distance number -- AN OUT OF THE COUNTRY LONG-DISTANCE NUMBER (I have a cousin in Canada)! Drink out of a soda can WITHOUT wiping the rim first! Switch the radio from AM to FM. And, to top it off, I'm gonna dance a little! Pet our goldfish. Eat pizza with REAL cheese. My mom usually makes me eat that "It Tastes Just Like Cheese" cheese. TRUST me, it doesn't taste just like cheese. It tastes JUST like GLUE! Eat a 6-pack of non-fat rice pudding! It's the closest thing to dessert we have in the house. Cut my fingernails myself. This is CRAZY on TWO levels. One, my mom says I need longer nails for self-defense and two, my mom never lets me hold clippers -- she doesn't like me touching anything that is pointy. Use a red marker INSTEAD of a black one to write my name in my underwear. Put food back in the pantry BUT NOT in alphabetically order. (Don't worry, I'll switch it back before my mom gets home!) I'll tell you what I'm NOT gonna do -- BATHE. I'm totally gonna skip my afternoon bath. UPDATE: My mom read my blog and rushed home early from her conference. Guess the nation will stay germy! Oh, and I totally have to go and take my afternoon bath now :( L8tr