grey -- short story

the effortless destruction of time plagued my thoughts all through the day as I
sat hazy and high at my seat way in the back of the class. all around me I saw
it the students tired and falling asleep or wired and chatting or drawing or loo-
king at their phones or just spacing out. I was in the second group just spacing
out like always never sober for class anymore. I got three hours of sleep but I
had never felt more awake thank god for adderall. I kill more time and more
and I can't stop the brutal murder feels sick but addictive. the horrific sin of 
laziness is taboo and marvelous. as I imagined in my mind the sick killing of the 
seconds slowly scraping by finally I heard that shrill bell echo through the room 
and suddenly the room became animated everyone rising and chatting faces ligh-
ting up saying hello or goodbye to friends. I put in my earbuds to try to drown
out the sound it's all too loud for me. as frank belted out his sweet love songs 
beatutiful in my ears my mind went round and round and round and round and I
stopped by a pole to think for a moment but I couldn't stay there long I could feel
them watching me. I had to leave fast I escaped silently and stealthily like a sha-
dow creeping across the halls nobody saw me nobody saw me I'm safe. the sky
was kind of grey that day and I liked it that way it's easy on my eyes. indulging
again my perverted lust for the sensual killing of time I sat down cross legs
in the wet green grass in a nook by the building's side nobody can see me here.
and I listened to the sound of the building beside me the great beast breathing in
and out I could hear its breath in the fans whirring and I could hear its blood flow-
ing in the electric lines that buzzed in its brick-covered skin walls and I sat there
for a while just listening absorbing it. as I sat there with the great grey sky hang-
ing over me I thought about what it all meant that I exist in space and that I
feel things the way I feel and that I do the things the way I do and a great sense
of peace infected my mind and I felt a part of the world again I felt real I felt like
a part of the universe the grand swirling chaos inside it all stood me and I didn't
feel afraid anymore I didn't feel sick anymore I didn't feel desperate I just felt
love and I felt the love from everywhere from the trees from the grass from the
building from the euphoric throbbing in my skull. for hours or maybe days or may-
be years I laid there in the soft grass and I felt the earth like that until the throb-
bing in my head stopped and the tremendous weight of it all crashed down upon
me yet again.