The right direction but first cough up?

Tuesday 1:45am as I sit in bed all day calling therapist, counselors, rehab facilitations I found out that for seven grand you can get a seven day trial to these so-called mental and physical health treatment options for people who are struggling, coming from someone that needs help, I would rather get high sitting around for six months then then go to rehab for seven days this shits a joke. And then i think to myself what if I relapse? what if I off myself? Do I get my money back does my family get compensated? I doubt it. At this point I’m gonna say fuck it and just YouTube this shit. A little background,I am an alcoholic, pot head, with a dash of crackhead. You may wonder, why the sudden change of heart, well recently I went through a Trumatic experience Sunday morning around 1 AM and then another one Sunday afternoon then another one Monday morning, but I did notices as soon as it happened I didn’t have this quench for beer or Hennessey. Mom saw the bruises on my face she said I need help and that’s why I reached out to those places. I could say I’m proud of myself for not opening a cold one, well I did Super Bowl game took two sips and threw the rest away because it wasn’t hitting the spot like usually. I this point all I can do is keep repeating to myself that today was a good day tomorrow will be better.